I don't know if any of you are fans of Joel Osteen, but I emailed a prayer request on his website about a week ago and the completely forgot about it. Well, lo and behold, I received this in my email today and I thought I would share it with you b/c it was really good.
We love you here at Lakewood Church and we consider it a privilege to join our faith with yours in fervent prayer. I encourage you to meditate on and confess the attached scriptures until they take root and come alive in your heart. As you do, the Bible promises that “the Word of God is effectually at work in you who believe [exercising its superhuman power in those who adhere to and trust in and rely on it]". (1 Thessalonians 2: 13 AMP) God bless!
Psalm 147: 3He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows]. AMP
Almost nothing is more devastating to someone than discovering that their spouse has been unfaithful to them. It rips at the heart and grieves the soul, and no one escapes unhurt. Not only do they feel rejected and betrayed, but they also find it very difficult to rebuild any trust.
This is one reason God condemns adultery so strongly. God gave marriage to us, and His perfect plan is for a husband and wife to be faithful to each other as long as they both are alive. The Bible warns, "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished" (Proverbs 6:27, 29).
The key to rebuilding trust between you and your spouse is to rebuild your marriage—and the key to that is to commit it to God. If you have never done so, ask Christ to come into your lives, and then make Him the center and foundation of your relationship. Learn to pray together ... read the Bible together ... attend church together ... and love God together. Let Christ's love be your example; a love that looks beyond your own needs and desires, and seeks to help and strengthen each other.
This isn't easy; the scars of the past may take time to heal. But when we know Christ, He forgives our past, and He also gives us the capacity to forgive others. Don't give up, but ask God to help you start again. With His help you can.
We join our faith with yours as you pray this prayer: Dear Lord, You know my heart is broken, that I have a troubled spirit, and a longing for your comfort and the answers I seek during this time of despair. So I thank You for your word assuring me that from the very beginning You created my marriage as a one flesh covenant relationship, saying that what You joined together, no one should separate, and that You hate divorce. And thank You for your promise to heal my broken heart, and bind up my wounds, that You will comfort me as I mourn, and that You will bestow on me a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Thank You, Lord, that instead of shame or disgrace, I will rejoice in my inheritance, that I will inherit a double portion in my life, and that everlasting joy will be mine, as You restore my marriage, which Satan came to destroy. I thank You that in accordance with your word, I can approach your throne of grace with confidence, and receive mercy and grace to help me in my time of need.
Thank You for your promise that all things are possible with You Lord Jesus, and that You, and You alone, will give me peace that transcends all understanding. Thank You for the assurance that no wisdom, no insight and no plan can succeed against You. And thank You for having ________’s heart in your hand, and for directing her heart like a watercourse wherever You please. Thank You for assuring me that she cannot plan or understand her own way, because You are the one who determines and directs her steps.
Please teach me how to express my faith in love, because your word tells us that unfailing love is what everyone desires. And I ask You, Lord, to work in me to will and act according to your good purpose, to make me the husband You want me to be. I believe You and I am your disciple. I want to understand and live according to your teachings, because then I will know the truth and the truth will set me free. Thank You for your word, because it is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. You are my refuge and my shield, so I put my hope in your Word.
Thank You for upholding me and the covenant of my marriage with your righteous right hand. Thank You for making anyone who is incensed against me and the sanctity of my marriage as nothing; that they will be ashamed and disgraced. Thank You that anyone who contends with me or wars with me and comes to destroy or put asunder my marriage, is as nothing, as a nonexistent thing, for You, the Lord my God, hold my right hand, telling me to “Fear not, I will help you.”
And thank You for the comfort of knowing that even though my wife may have other plans in her heart, from You comes the reply of the tongue, and that the words that come out of your mouth do not return to You empty; that they will accomplish what You desire and what You sent them to accomplish! And thank You for the assurance that You honor and uphold the covenant of our marriage that was made when You witnessed our marriage vows, and that YOU will defend it against the treachery of unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Me:33, H:34 T10, M8 S4,S3,S9m ILYBINILWY 11/07 Separation 1 2/08-8/08 Back Home 8/08-10/08 Separation 2 10/08- Too many bombs to count:(
Hi Faith that was very nice prayers. Thanks. Another good resource is rejoice ministries where it is about people who stand for their marriages. Sounds like you are making progress. one day at a time. I liked the little tear in your eye. Very effective.
Funny story - D and me went to phone store tonight to look at phones, while there we take one of the phones on display and dial OW cell phone # and let it ring a few times (just for fun). So we are talking to the sales help and all of a sudden we hear a phone ringing. This boy says I am going to answer it and he says who do you want and they say someone called me and he says it wasn't me. Guess who it was OW. we were lol. Oh well it was juvenile but oh well.
Where is the rest of the gang? We miss you!
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Talked to my SIL this morning. H called her over the weekend. She could not believe how he was. She tried to talk to him about D15 and how upset she was and about us. H told her this is private between me and my wife and I will not talk to you about this. She said but what about you and your D --- you were so close what are you doing about it and he says I won't discuss it. Then she asked him about who he was dating and he says I am dating noone - I am by myself. She said it was like talking to a robot. She was almost crying. She said I did not even know him. She said I would never say this but I don't think he will ever come back. My SIL said I don't blame you if you get them fired at work! I was shocked. I know it confirms that H is really addicted to OW but for him to turn on his sister I would never believe. H has always been very close with SIL and always confided in her, now he is so wrapped in this that any sense of family is gone. Sad
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
OK Hope, get your ulee patootie in here every time you want to go off on H about R. Everyone this is where we need to come when we have that urge to backslide. Or have that huge piece of chocolate cake come here, pretend we are H and say what you want to say, and you know what, because we feel it too we will probably say what you want to hear and it will feel sooo much better.
And I am soooo glad we don't have to give T2L any advice, man what would we do if we had to give her advice.
Faith-I love that prayer. I will definetly be saying it. My only problem is h NEVER has much use for church/religion, he believes there is something there but not going to work for it. I NEVER force it on him, I always wish that he and everyone could experience the overwhelming feeling when you know he is there, and he guides you on your way. I feel no fear when I think of him, I know he is there, just sometimes I forget to rely on him. But the building the marriage with praying together and that just won't happen with H and I. He'll never do it unless (and sometimes I hope that in all this mess and fog this is the time that God is going to overwhelm him and he'll see him and know he's there - this will be that moment and that's why this is happening, but I feel that he needs to want it to happen, to open his heart to it, and he won't, whether he's afraid that it could and then how can he explain it away, or he just really doesn't believe in it.) Whatever, I believe and I know God is present so I'll lead the prayer for our family.
I'm glad we have T2L she gives us so much positive advice. I've printed out and will read the femanum nature post.
Ok so last night I get home -LATE- this will be a whole question for you girls later. But I walk up to our room past him in the loft chatting. And I say hi, how you doing, and he's grumpy and says best as I can be. All disgusted like. He comes in to talk and I listen - just generic stuff. I ask about dinner and decide on Lasagna and go to get it, he follows me around - he does that alot because I'm always busy, even before or at least right when I get home. He says he'll put the lasagna in once the oven is heated go take your shower. Oh I said I may need your help, then I'm like oh never mind I'll figure it out. Ooooh bad - he's like you never need my help. I say yes I do. Talk more than I say you know it would be easier if you helped me, and here is the funny. I told him I need him to take a picture of me...with nothing on, his mouth dropped, it came out all wrong, I'm like no no no I meant it needs to be a head shot, (by this time I'm dieing, I'm laughing and can't get the words out), I'm like it needs to be a shoulder and head shot and I can't have any hats, scarves, glasses on. He's like ok. Feeling relieved and I was just laughing.
So I go take my shower. He tells me that this person he's waiting for to make plans with for Saturday has till 9pm tonight to get back to him. Well dinner is about ready and he gets a call I think it's from her they talk for a while, but later he says to me that his friend says that I was right about my advice the other night. I just say thanks glad I could help and pass it off. He wanted me to inquire me, because earlier right after the call he's like gosh what an exhausting call. I ignored it. And once he came down for dinner I said I still need you to take the picture, he's like you need this tonight and I'm like yes. I got all gussied up, so he thought it was for a profile picture. He says you want to go upstair and freshen up? And then I get the instructions - smile, stand up straight, shoulder back... Please I hope I don't offend any one here, but the picture was for my FOID card. I've been wanting to get my Firearms Owners ID and kept putting it off, putting it off. And so now I'm getting it. I plan to do things and as h would put it, I have half baked bicycles in the garage. I start something and NEVER finish it. So this is something that was easy and almost done. So now it will be done today !
Now the question - I know I'm supposed to be GAL but here is my prob. One of h's prob with me is that work was more important - I did that because I don't make a lot but if I worked more I got overtime which is more money. We've had separate accounts ever since our first separation because he felt I spent too much money - then I'd go to the gym and get home at 7pm cook dinner, eat, and clean up and it would be like 8pm sometimes before we ate and 8:30/9pm before we could relax and by then I'm tired and wanting to go to bed by 10pm so no time together. So last night when I got home late and he said aren't you going to shower before dinner, I'm like no, I'm running late and I know your probably hungry. He's like what's new. As in I'm always late coming home. Now thinking about that (just now) I try my hardest and am always ontime or early to church and parties but coming home I'm never on time. Well if I'm supposed to do a 180 do I come home early? I mean how do you do both - GAL and 180's? I was thinking what I could do, is come home most days right after work, cook dinner, eat at a normal time and THEN go to the gym. That way I'm not late. And then there are 2 days that I leave early from work - so those days I can go right to the gym and won't be home late. When I say late, I'll get home after 6:15-6:30-7:00pm and he's been home since 5:15pm - he comes straight home.
So what do you think? Now thinking of it I feel I've shown less importance to coming home. He is fine with me going to the gym, that's good for me but work treats me like crap and I give more to it. Man the irony here- I could come home early - to a man whose in a fog and treats me like crap, or stay late at a job that treats me like crap - I really should just not make accomadations for either crap giving entity
Jen Me 32 H 35 Married 8yrs 3/11/2000 - Together 10 yrs No Children
1st Bomb - 7/1999 2nd Bomb - 8/2004 3rd A - 10/2006 4th A & Bomb - 10/12/08
Done sweeping things under the rug, I need to start doing something...But what?
Hope, Ok don't be moved by this if you can. My H cussed out his brother, screamed at him at the top of his lungs and said he never wanted to talk to him again and hung up on him. This happened about 3 months in this crazy crap, so its all pretty text book. And remember NO EXPECTATIONS! This keeps you from getting so discouraged and hurt. If you expect anything it should only be insanity and lack of normal common sense. I would tell you in-laws, though they mean well, to stop any type of reasoning. This will only back fire, and push H away further. Remember "stop the chase" this includes family and I say it with the most love. I don't want it to further damage what you want to really happen in your marriage. The detachment needs to happen with the in laws just a bit too. They can no more reason with him as you can. All common sense goes out the window.
Its fog talk remember. Of course he is not going to discuss anything and really be kinda glad because it will be the fog talk of justification and re-written marital history to make what he is doing okay and deep down inside he knows its wrong.
IT takes a while for even the littlest of the fog to lift, and even if it does they go right back into it pretty quickly.
Stay focused on you right now, continue on GAL'ing and find every area of 180'ing that you can. If any of us neglect this there is no way we can make it the long haul, and its gonna be a bit girls, so your GAL is going to help and take some time to pamper. Who has pampered themselves? Everyone take some time to do that, get a massage, manicure or pedicure, new hair do, but a new more form fitting top and jeans for that great new bod ya'll got! I did, lost the weight too and am loving it and will never gain it back! Going to lost about 7 more. Use this time while you wait for the fog to lift to get in shape and peruse that size you always wanted to be an put off.
Did any one else have a chance to get the book Surviving An Affair by Willard Harley?
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Hi everyone, All I think you should do the 180 and come home first and then go to the gym, will it be more difficult -- absolutely but if that is one of H's pet peeves -- you need to address it, not point it out and just start doing it. You are on the right track. Just avoid those talks of OW. It is dis-respectful to you.
T2L, as usual you are right. Has H made up with his brother yet? My SIL was shocked and even though I know all of this MLC stuff it is hard to explain. She basically was telling me to stop waiting for him and move on. Hard words to hear.
I have been doing things for myself. Have been spending more time with D15 getting ready for homecoming. We went out last night and bought shoes for her. It is all the girly stuff. I am going once again to the gym at lunch. That is my sanity check. One day at a time. My H e-mailed me the score from flag football last night. I think he sent it because in case someone asked me about it. OW is back today. Don't know if she saw the notice up. hhhhmmmm. No way to check.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
All- I think the home earlier 180 is a must, and the new schedule you wrote out sounds like a good one. Be consistent and be on time. If you can't make it home one day at that time, call him and let him know. Being home on time shows consideration for H and will help build trust with him. He is clearly showing you with his words and actions that he wants appreciation from you. I HATE that he talks to you about OW, but looking from the outside it seems he is reaching out in a twisted way, almost childlike-"pay attention to me, love me, care about me, so I don't have to meet other women for dates." Just my opinion. Even his comments, "what's new", etc, show that he feels last on your list. I think this 180 is crucial to your marriage restoration.
That picture story had me cracking up! And, seeing you laugh and enjoy the joke was attractive. Double whammy!
My H isn't religious either, but I can see God working on his heart. We may have to be the ones to lead our men toward a more spiritual life, but at the right time. That will be a ways off.
Hope, you are right, I love rejoice ministries. I get their devotions every day. In fact I was thinking about your H's conversation with SIL so close to his good interaction with you at the meeting. In the Q&A section of their website. Bob answered a question about prodigal spouses' false starts home and likened it to a pendulum on a clock, the spouse comes in close and then the enemy pulls them back in the other direction. He's still under the influence of the enemy. But, bits of fog have lifted . . . BTW, I love the phone trick. That is awesome!
T2L -my pampering plans include nails tomorrow and a little shopping. I'm at my High school weight and I need some new duds!! H let another "honey" slip in our phone conversation this morning. Nice, but NO EXPECTATIONS. He emailed this morning and I haven't answered it yet.
Me:33, H:34 T10, M8 S4,S3,S9m ILYBINILWY 11/07 Separation 1 2/08-8/08 Back Home 8/08-10/08 Separation 2 10/08- Too many bombs to count:(
I'm hoping to get my nails done even if I do it this weekend. We'll see. Oh guess what I did, I joined a volleyball group on that meet up website. And joined another group. And it seems this group gets together alot, this weekend their getting together Fri and Sat but I have plans already both days. Wow I have plans already
There is something tonight but oh I just joined and not sure how that will go. I know I know - I should go, but I really want to listen to H's show. But that would be a good GAL thing for him to see. I can ask him to tape it so I can listen later. What you think - again he thinks he comes last in my life so the whole GAL is probably bad - I need more of the confidence thing than the GAL.
Jen Me 32 H 35 Married 8yrs 3/11/2000 - Together 10 yrs No Children
1st Bomb - 7/1999 2nd Bomb - 8/2004 3rd A - 10/2006 4th A & Bomb - 10/12/08
Done sweeping things under the rug, I need to start doing something...But what?
