I do believe the OW is currently out of the picture. If/when I file for D and we live separately, I can see where she MIGHT come back in the picture, but she would have to move 3 hours with a son (who is also living w/his dad part of the time in Kansas City, so that would be a big move), or they would be long-distance...I am not worried about that part right now.
H is absoLUTEly paralyzed by negative thinking. He is very glass-half empty. His oldest sister actually called him a "fun sponge" a couple weeks ago, saying he sucked the fun out of everything he was involved with...naturally he is now not speaking to her.
He does not feel/think/believe whatever that we CAN be happy again. To admit that we could, would mean he would have to change almost EVERYTHING he has been telling himself for the past year(s)...That is why I pointed out things like our trip to Mexico. He is force to take another look and admit that we have had LOTS of good, even GREAT, times in the past 16 1/2 years.
That doesn't mean we may not wind up D anyway, I am well aware o that. If he chooses to stay negative, I can't live with that and he can't live with me, when he is like that, either. But I wanted to poke some holes in his "this cannot work" theory so he is looking at a more realistic picture.
That left him very disconcerted...."Why? Why are things better?" It is as though he cannot believe that change is possible. Well, if change weren't possible we wouldn't have gone from giddy kids in love into disillusioned grown-ups....
