I guess it's over

[NikB]

((Trixi))

Good luck with the biopsy! Yeah, it does sound like they're great about keeping anxiety down. Yes, we are definitely twins!! I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you on the biopsy and results.

On the dating thing.. if you were sure you were done with your M I'd probably agree. I think dating lots of people casually and taking things slow is definitely a good idea after a D. In your particular sitch I just worry that it would be setting someone up for a lot of hurt. As Ali said it IS a coping mechanism that works for some people.

Sometimes I feel like he is trying to make ME be the one to file, but I do not want to file. I still love him. I still see great potential for us. When he tosses out hopeful comments (like "this house will be a great rental") it is very hard for me to throw in the towel to swim out into the great abyss of the unknown.

I don't know that he's trying to make you file - I think he probably just doesn't have any motivation to do so. You're letting him do whatever he wants, including sleeping with other women, while you're still married - why bother with the work and expense of a D?

I would argue that you're ALREADY out in the great unknown... though I guess you do have a fishing line attached to you so you're not totally out there.

I agree 100% with all of LL's advice! So I'll just repeat it..

Like DB says- stop talking about your R completely, act like you you're moving on. Don't talk to him much anymore(papers don't have to be filed to do this- unless you want to). Don't answer his calls or emails or texts, IMs very often at all anymore - only like once a week. There's a good chance he will start asking and wondering what you're up to if you can do this. Start chatting with these new guys, start doing other new things that you want to do- and casually let him know something about your new friend x or that sorry you're busy, you've got 'an event' that night- when you do talk to him. Don't share your whole life w. him anymore- be vague and mysterious.

...and I'll add in my prior suggestion, take lots of pics, and fill your digital frame with them!

Be patient, give him what he asked for - time?

Ali - the only thing I worry about here is - HOW MUCH time? Trixi it's been what, over a year separated, and nearly 4 since the first bomb? Did I get the timeline right? That's a lonnnng time to deal with this.

I'm so glad you had a nice night!! Sorry it was a little bittersweet, but I am glad you had such a good family night. I bet it's tugging at H's heart a bit, too.