Ian and MC - thanks for checking and sharing your thoughts with me so quickly... I know that it's up to me now...and, despite the pain and fear, I know that I have to step up and assert myself to and for myself above all else. I expect Saturday and next week to suck in a horrible way - and I know that I will go through an excruciating amount of pain - especially when I think of the hope and dreams that I was looking forward to - but I also know that I have got to be true to myself - and find the best in me in order to be the best father I can be to my children.
Btw... please feel free to call me Carlos.
Ian, you are so very right - there are positives to see in this situation - they are clouded positives - and they sometimes seem to be extracted from the molten remains of my life - but they are positives nonetheless - since I am being given the opportunity to rediscover myself - and to push myself to be the man I had always hoped to become. I fell short of becoming that man - I know that without a doubt - and not just because my marriage is failing - but because I have not taken full advantage of the gifts I have been given.
I will have a lot of time now to strengthen myself - and to find in me the healthy person that can be in a healthy relationship...one thing I know for certain is that one cannot build a healthy relationship on the impulse to rescue someone else - or the hope that the other will finally see the potential you see in them... Falling in love with potential is about was wise as falling in love with a waterfall - the beauty might be there while you see it and appreciate it's awesome presence - but when you step away it's just a fragile memory that can't sustain itself without your ample fantasy.
I will make that list of the of how this change/event might work for me...and I will look around the home t make things more comfortable for me and my kids.
Ian...this Saturday will not ruin me...it will not be my downfall. I have the strength to grow past it - and I know that I have the love and support from friends and family to help me when I slide into darkness. I know it will not be easy - it will be horribly painful to have her gone on Saturday..but I also know that in that pain will be a true sense of calm relief.
