Sorry I am slow getting back to you And I hope I don't distract what you guys are talking about. It is still weird posting in other places to me.. always feel like I am intruding.
Anyway...
"I didn't want to keep hijacking cookie's thread!"
I doubt she minded. It kinda went with what they were.. and still are kinda talking about.
"on checking back and getting burned--yes, the fire was hot. Yes, it seemed a few degrees hotter each time, so I suppose I exposed myself for less time and pulled back inside a little quicker and a little further over time.
From my experience (even though it is not documented here)a huge factor into the things we do as LBS.. is get the timing wrong. Now my S was not suffering from a MLC.. just a WAW. Now MLC Spouse's typically mimic some of the WAS "issues".. So some of this may apply. Sometimes the "testing" we do has the effect of raising the "fire". When we "see" the fire get bigger.. the logical and smart thing to do is to back down. Depending on the situation.. I would likely tell you to back down. There are times though when I would say "push on". Even if the fire is hot. You have to know when to push.. and when to back down. I have seen people back down too much. Again.. timing. When you find yourself in "this" situation you really need to be able to think and react.. with the right timing. I am big on being prepared for whats coming.. being rested.. being ready.
"on making the departure as painful as possible--he dropped the bomb 3 days after I found out my job was going to be ending, 3 days before our anniversary, 4 days before my birthday. Could be coincidence, but I think at least part of it was timed to do the most damage."
I would surely disagree. For my birthday last year.. I was having my W followed. And she spent the night at the "man in questions" house. She came home at 9ish the next morning. The kicker was.. she stayed there because she was too drunk to drive.. and "the man in question" was paranoid they were being followed. By a cop. Think about what most PI's drive.
I don't believe people wake up.. with the intention to hurt you. They just tend to make crappy choices at crappy times. That .. when you really look at it.. is the logical time to make crappy choices.
I have been the victim of crappy choices.. at crappy times.. more than I care to count.
Have you?
"And since that point I've just been breathing."
The word to define in that would be "breathing".
It takes on lots of different meanings.
The question in my mind becomes.. can he see you "breathing".
Does your breathing look out of time.
Does your breathing seem full of hope.
Does you breathing make him wonder.. why is it so consistent.
"The outcome will be the same regardless of what I do, so I'm just trying to avoid further damage to D and I. Never really had a chance to DB."
The outcome may be the same regardless of what you do.. I agree. Most people here (DB.com) are gonna fail. When you throw kids into this.. it get really hard to "help" someone. All I can say is save you.. and that heart of yours first. The other stuff will fall into place.
You have the heart.. I am pretty sure.. I made a post about that.
Sometimes.. you have to work at this stuff.. from the back side.
You do that by making a solid foundation of you.. to push off of.
There are all kinds of cool "quotes" around here (DB.com).. mine is the coolest.. the reason is.. I said it.. yet someone else defined it.
Sometimes.. it takes "someone" with a different take on things.. to help us out. Show us something new.
Make sure that the person showing up.. in front of H.. is you. Not the old you.. but who you are. In doing just that.. sometimes you win.
I will guarantee.. it won't happen when you expect it to.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
