I wanted to take a moment and say thank you to everyone that's taken the time to post to me....your words of encouragement and great advice were very appreciated. I think this will be my last post.
H and I had counseling tonight. C pushed about what the intent of our sessions was and H took the opportunity to tell me that he knows it is over...does not have the same feelings for me...knows he never will and to say anything different would be to lead me on. He said he doesn't think it would be fair to give me hope that doesn't exist.
So on the drive home I reflected on the last 9 months of hell (4 months before he moved out and 5 months since) and had to ask myself..."what was I thinking???" He told me OVER and OVER he was through....but I just kept hanging on to the tiny signs of hope I thought I saw...deluding myself into thinking our R had a chance. I cannot fault him....he was honest always....I was the one being dishonest....dishonest to myself.
I feel like I let ME down...like I should have told this broken woman to pick herself up by the bootstraps and go on....to stop pining away for someone lost to her. I feel like I've done myself a disservice by trying to keep my hope alive.
To all of you with more fortitude than I...I hope you win the fight. I hope you find yourselves back in the arms of the one you love and that you find the fairytale ending. For me...I'm just not that strong. I'm done DBing...no point in it. Reality really does bite.
