That's an interesting line of thought you bring up there, RMG. You make the argument that the actions of the WAS are due to the makeup of that person -- this is "who they really are". You also said they had the "potential, desire and ability to ruin their M all along." Am I to take your meaning to be that these WAS were always of this mind, that it was merely a matter of time before they acted on these impulses?
I'm also intrigued at the same time by your objection to the "alien" analogy bandied about here. I consider the "alien mantra" just a very handy means for lending perspective to this all-too-common situation with the WAS. "Alien mind-bending", "Demonic possession", "Midlife Crisis", etc. -- All are attempts, some accurate, some not, to characterize what the LBS and outside parties can only describe as a sudden break from what was perceived to be the morals and value system at one time professed by the WAS.
Perhaps "Alien" is a bit too easy of a label to describe the phenomena. I sense you have a particular objection to the term because you think it demeans or dehumanizes the WAS in the mind of the LBS? I can assure you that is not how I perceive it at all, and I agree that to take it too literally would be an act of "unhealthy denial." Still how else would one express the common observation that the WAS has suddenly abandoned their own principles? Don't forget, not many of the WAS' you hear about here in this particular forum exhibited a complete lack of fidelity all throughout their M. You will indeed find stories about never-faithful spouses in other venues, but what is keenly vexing about these WAS' is that they are often faithful, moral-bound people in long-term relationships with their spouses for many years when all of a sudden they seem to have a switch thrown in their psyches that causes them to abandon their spouse, the children, their families and their ideals to pursue another person.
I will concede that in a lot of cases the transition is gradual, taking place over years even, and love can indeed be blind, but in most of the cases here, such as my own, the change came swiftly, in a matter of weeks, if not days. Sudden is not too strong a word.
But you also used the term "free will" here, alluding to the choices made by the WAS... Now the question is: Did the choices these WAS take make them into the person they are? Or did the person they are determine the choices they made? You see, you're touching on a "nature versus nurture" debate here to describe sociopathic human behaviors (on a clinical level) or a fall from grace (on a more spiritual level).
Please elaborate further, if you will, but if I read you right, would you say that these WAS' are like the scorpion and the LBS' are like the frog in the parable of "The Scorpion and the Frog"? Or do they truly have "free will"?
