I have been trying to ease this thing off bit by bit, putting it back when it starts to hurt too much. Think it's time to rip the dang thing off once and for all. It will heal, one way or the other, right?
Red, you said stop worrying about what he wants and figure out what I want. Well, I want to LIVE! I know all about GAL, find my own happy, etc. But hard to act "as if" I am getting a D when H lives with me, we hang out witht he kids, watch TV, etc. The only D couple I have seen like that are Bruce Willis and Demi Moore (that guy even stood up at his ex-wife's wedding to Ashton Kutcher! geez), and I bet that didn't happen right away.
The attorney kept saying to me, "If your H wants to spend family time together several nights a week, spend holidays together, birthdays together, etc.---why are you getting divorced? Divorced people typically don't do that stuff..." I mean, three our four times he would say that about something I said DAN wanted in the D arrangments. He said, "If he wants to spend that much time together, what is the point of the D?"
I tend to agree. But H seems to want the D nonetheless. I know in DB circles it is prob. suggested to just DB my butt off while H is living under the same roof. Be upbeat, be fun, be happy, etc etc. Be 'detached'. I know my own, sensitive heart though. As long as H and I are around each other that much, there is a part of me that will try to think he will change his mind.
I guess I would rather cut the cord now, and MAYBE be surprised down the road IF he came back and I wanted him back;
than to keep doing the dance we are in now, where he is "here" but not "here", and then he leaves at some moment where I have started to feel hope........
