God grant me the patience and the strength...8

[theotherhalf]

lwb,
I have sex with my H because I WANT to have sex with my H. I always HOPE that things will maybe be different "this" time. Sometimes they are, sometimes they are not. But each time I AFTER I feel used because nothing else "good" happens. Afterwards he is distant. He is cold. Like it meant nothing. Like he has said in the past. Eventually I'll stop. I stopped initiating it. Now to be able to say no.

Again I allow my H to come here because I WANT him here. I HOPE that he'll feel he WANTS to be here. I HOPE that eventually he'll WANT to come home. I don't let myself walk on pins and needles anymore when he is here. I don't pretend with him. I enjoy when he is here. BUT it hurts when he goes. I do feel he respects me SOME when he is here. He asks not takes, he says thank you, BUT he does not show love, he is empty. And sometimes I wonder if he is using me. I don't know...