I never bought the "tunnel" bit because their are too many people who had crappy childhoods, and who grew to be people of honor, who sacrificed self for the greater good.
I was going to post today because I had a strange experience and then I saw your post and it basically goes along those lines, so I will post here instead of my own thread.
The tunnel, or fog or whatever you want to call it.
Today our family went out to celebrate S7's birthday. We had to drive about 1 1/2 hours to meet the big kids at their College. We have been there dozens of times.
Right by their campus is an outdoor mall with some really great restaurants, and again, we have all been there several times before.
While driving there, my Husband got into a really pissy mood because he said that he had no idea as to where he was driving to as he wasn't at all familiar with the area.
S21 and D20 kinda looked at each other and I gave him directions. When we finally arrived and I asked him if he remembered when we ate at this restaurant a couple of years ago. He had no recollection at all.
Two years ago he was still in MLC and had come home to visit for a weekend.
He still has little moments like these.
He also hates what he did to our family and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He brings things up randomly and apologizes for them, but he has told me that the guilt and the shame he feels is sometimes more then he can handle.
He told me that there were times while he was away that he would try so hard to block his thoughts of the family and his actions, but they would all come flooding back when he was asleep.
He had terrible nightmares and to try and avoid sleep he would work for 16 hours and eventually it would all catch up and he would end up sleeping the whole weekend away.
I am sharing this with you only because there really is such a thing as MLC, and I honestly don't believe that the MLC'er can help themselves with the bad choices they make.
I am not making excuses for bad behavior, but I do think that when it is treated as a mental illness, it makes it easier to swallow.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Thank you BND. Knowing that we aren't all imagining the phenomena of MLC is a big help for me even though it looks like my 'ending' will be of the opposite nature.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
BND, long time no contact--congrats and I'm looking for your thread. Same goes for you Cinderellaman. I left the post a few months and now I'm lost trying to find everyone.
Sorry for the semi-hijack. BND---so glad you're here and I mean that in the best way possible. Yep, I am still in piecing though it feels better than that most days. Like, not so much "piecing" as "together". Not taking for granted, never say never, and all that... HUGS guys! j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
((J)) So glad you stopped by...Hows Alaska? Thrilled you are piecing and things are going well for you.
OK, only 2 months til Christmas!!!!
I started my shopping today, we are having a simple Christmas this year, which I am happy about.
I bought a WII for the 6 younger kids to share. We will get them a couple of games and fill their stockings with goodies and we will be done.
I was able to get D20 a new cell phone for free, which is my favorite price!!!
And S21 wants clothes, so I am getting him a gift card.
My Husband wants me to focus more on baking and doing all of the fun crafts with the kids this year rather then shopping.
He mentioned that Christmas is Jesus's birthday and we have lost our focus.
I must be honest, I like it that he is really starting to be more like his old self as far as values and morals go.
For a long time, during his MLC years, he was so materialistic and so far from God and morals as to be believed. It is so nice to see him making these steps, especially for the younger kids.
Not much to really update. My job keeps me busy and happy.
((((((((hugs)))))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I've been singing Christmas carols here at work and they're yelling at me to stop! I even told them today that I think it's time we start telling our shippers "happy holidays" when we hang up with them if we're not going to call again until after the holidays. They didn't like that idea either.
