Positive developments? #2

[jon2911]

Well, a lot has happened, including getting in trouble at work for surfing too much No big deal, but I've needed to lay low for a while. First to respond to this:

She calls you an awful lot. I'm wondering, why you make yourself SO accessible to her ALL THE TIME. If you're tired, don't answer your phone. Why should you be there to sing her to sleep? If she lived with you, you could sing to her every night. See what I'm getting at? For instance, if I was going on an evening canoe ride, I'd leave my phone in the car. You've got to be TOO busy to talk to her sometimes.
But, what do I know...

I think this is good advice, thanks!

It's definitely a change, only in the last couple weeks has she been calling so much that I need to think this way. But I'm starting to cut things short if I'm at work, or not stay up quite so late.

W called over the weekend telling me she misses me and wants to come visit! What a surprise. All the stuff for SIL's wedding is getting busy, but she still wants to come. We tried for Tuesday, but now she's coming on Friday. Can't wait.

She said the family drama is continuing, and that she's officially "done" with her dad. This is a huge turnaround from March. My C says that FIL is the biggest obstacle to our reconciling, so we'll see what happens.

In other news, I'm making quite a bit of money renting my canoe out on Craigslist. Who would've thought? The thing was just sitting behind my house before. It will be in a photo shoot next week, which means I need to have it there at 6:30AM, but I'm charging them extra.

W is a CL master, so she does the listing for me and helps with the responses, etc. Working out well because she feels useful and important.

[nw626]

Jon
I haven't follow your story all the way yet.
So far you seems doing pretty good.
I am happy for you....
I saw you CL comments. I need to post something on there. I can use some extra $$.
Good luck and keep up the good work.
NW626

[jon2911]

Hey nw626!

I need to post links to past threads, thanks for reminding me.

[jon2911]

#1: Better late than never?

#2: Status unkown

#3: The road goes ever on...

#4 Positive Developments?


It's been 11 months since my first post, very interesting to go back and read.

[jon2911]

About to leave to go see W!

Got this in my e-mail today, thought it would be good to share. I plan on reading it on the way to Houston. It's called "The Shocking Truth about Rebuilding Trust", from one of my counselors.

http://www.harboringhope.com/shockingtruth

[jon2911]

OK, I need some DBing help!

The weekend was good, and I left knowing I wouldn't see W for quite some time, with the two weddings she's in this month. We've been talking more, and she says she wants to spend Thanksgiving together! I'm very surprised, but she says she's tired of her family. I looked into booking a cruise, but it looks like we'll go camping instead. Yay!

W called in the middle of the wedding craziness to ask for financial help. She even gave me her account password to do the transfer. I glanced quickly at her account to make sure no further charges are coming, and was very relieved to see that she has no NSF's in the last several months. Talking with my recovery sponsor, he said that the account thing was huge, and that I needed to thank her for trusting me. Here's what I wrote:

W,
I want to tell you how much I respect that you trusted me with your account password. I want you to know that I won't go snooping through your account. I won't be accessing it again, and I understand if you want to change your password.

This may not have been a big deal to you, and I'm not reading too much into it, but I appreciated it nonetheless. Can't wait to have a thanksgiving with you away from my crazy family!


Jon

Jon,
thank you for being a lifesaver to me today. The emails you have sent were so kind, I appreciate that. By the way, you get 200 points for almost planning a cruise! I would really like to come up there & camp around lake palestine or RHubbard. Although, it may be warmer down here.

Are you missing me more than usual? It feels like it, just wondering, no judgment. FIL is now possibly coming to the wedding, everyone is upset & on edge about the flip-flopping that has been going on. I'm pissed, of course.

I hope you have a fun weekend w/ all the canoe & truck stuff.

W

In the end, W and SIL told FIL not to come. About freakin' time! The wedding went very well without him.

How should I answer the "missing me" question? She called last night while I was out for drinks, darts and football, and said she was lonely. I told her I miss her too, and she mentioned I never responded to the e-mail.

Here's a first draft:

W,
I've missed you like crazy ever since you've been gone, but haven't told you until now.

It's because I'm doing this thing called DB'ing, and I have to act happy and not say ILU or I miss you, and show you that I'm fine on my own.

OK, just kidding, but I need help on this. She also told me I could text her over the weekend, but "nothing mushy, like I Love You. I know you wouldn't say that anyway". There was an awkward moment, and I think it may be time for the ILU soon.

Talked with my sponsor about how W doesn't like to be mushy, as she calls it. Isn't that opposite of most women? He said "not women who have been hurt." True, I think.

[ms ladybug]

Whew! You had me freaked out about mentioning DB'ing to her. Don't ever do that.

Again, you answered a call from her while you were out doing drinks, darts, and football. DON'T ANSWER EVERY CALL! Especially if you are out having some good "man-time".

Now, the miss me question...that's a toughie.
Maybe something like,

"I do miss you. We used to have a lot of fun together. I'm keeping busy and filling in my spare time so I don't have to think too much about it. I do look forward to our camping trip. It'll be a nice change from the usual holiday muck."

Tells her you miss her, but you haven't laid down and died without her.

Maybe?

[jon2911]

I think that's good ms b. Your outside perspective really helps.

It's hard to not be in husband mode when she needs me, but I need to remember that she's chosen this.

W is now in the hole again, and her landlord hasn't even cashed the rent check yet.

Background on this is natural gas prices have gone way down, but W's check is three months delayed, so it's just starting to hit her. I just need to let her figure it out. She made $300 yesterday somehow, and wants to keep doing that. I really hope she didn't sell the wedding ring, but again I have no control over that.

[ms ladybug]

Somehow she made $300? Can you elaborate on HOW?
Is she working?

Women don't sell their wedding ring. Well, I'm sure some women have, but no, she won't.

[jon2911]

Somehow she made $300? Can you elaborate on HOW?
Is she working?

No, she's not. She does a lot of Ebay and Craigslist deals, so probably something with that.