I rec'd a response to my letter. She mailed me a typed letter yesterday.
It's basically a good bye letter. She explains how when she met me she was an insecure person that didnt really know her direction. I was able to bring her security and comfort. She wasnt sure if anyone would really want to be with her and I gave her that. She did say I was a great, funny, kind, sensitive person that could put up with her.
Then she goes on to say she has grown so much over the years. She finally knows what she wants. She didnt think we had a great relationship when we got married, but thought we could develop that (what a novel idea and I totally disagree with that). She states that I wasnt much of a communicator, says she could have tried harder on our relationship with me, but knew in the end it wasnt what she needed. She says she will not settle for anything less than what she wants.
She compares our relationship to some other couples in the neighborhood. In my opinion, it's a crappy comparison, because we arent too different than they are. She says we didnt have love and respect between us. She brings up a couple examples of events in our past, such as spending money, etc. She agrees that she did ignore me at times.
Her biggest hangup is she thinks we are too different. Yes, we do have differences, but I think we complement each other very well. It wouldnt have worked for 18yrs if that wasnt true.. She says I am unable to change, maybe I could, but she wouldnt want to change me, and doesnt want anyone to change her. Yet she agrees she has many faults. In the end, she basically says she does not have a connection with me. She does finally admit that our marriage wasnt all bad and she can admit that now...was sorry she couldnt earlier.
She also says I have hurt her for things I have said or done to her. I have no idea what those are. She says she feels very guilty for hurting me and knows what she is doing is right for both of us. She also says she knows we could work things out and try harder, but I deserve better.
Anyway...I replied to her letter pretty quickly. There is much change in her letter from her continued stance. But in the end, she's convinced were too different. I am amazed that she could admit we could work it out, try harder. But she has totally quit.
She did not reply to my reply, nor would she answer her phone when I called.
We each submitted paperwork yesterday for mediation. I'm sure she's really pissed about that too....since we are very far apart on some issues.
Oh well...I tried my best I guess. I dont think she has really too many good reasons to get divorced. She brings up some examples of problems between us. To me, they are all things that could be worked out with good communication. As for our differences, we all have differences. Thats what makes the world go round. Its how you deal with them that makes relationships work. Running from your problems never really solves anything.
