Read the 5 Languages of Love or His Needs Her Needs. Those books might turn the lighbulb on. They sure did for me. I've spent this past year reading, learning & preparing to better myself for my M. Now it just might be for me alone .... but that's ok. (If my H changes his mind then I'm ready to help lead us on the correct path to a better M).
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Yes, just keep that in mind. I'm a strong woman on the outside, but inside is a different story. She probably misses you as well. Just remember , this is all about babysteps ... on the long road back.
You'll get through this just fine. Good luck!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hey SG! Hope things went well today at the hearing (it was today right?). Hope to hear how well you DB'd today. Lord only knows my day in court might be coming up, so looking forward to what you can share with the rest of us.
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
Hi Guys, It didn't go the way I expected it to go. My W wouldn't speak to me at all. She stared at me once but that was about it. She broke down and cried when she saw my mother and gave her a big hug and a kiss. She was there with her father and her sister. Her father came strutting in with his big suit and briefcase like he was some attorney himself. My W is still very emotional and hurt. It was obvious. It made me feel bad. I tried to be as calm, cool and collected as possible. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her how sorry I am and how much I miss her but it wasn't to be. Her attorney painted a nice picture of me as being some porn addicted monster. He alsu took the letters that I had sent her and tried to use them against me. It was not a fun day but I survived. I'm glad today is over. My emotions are all over the place tonight.
Well, you did your best and prepared for the worst. Although it didn't go the way you rehearsed it would in your mind, it could have gone a lot worse if you weren't "cool, calm and collected", no?
You should pat yourself on the back for a job well done. Now go out and reward yourself by doing something fun or relaxing. Hell, go buy that "toy" you've been wanting to get!
So what's the game plan from here on out?
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
Thx for the kind words COG. I guess only time will tell. I am trying to GAL and continue to work on being the best person I can be by not making the same mistakes that I made in the past. It's tough. I really feel bad for her. I feel like she is being misguided.
I think you did a good job as well. I'm sure it was not easy.
It sure does seem like her father is also too much involved. Ofcourse he wants the best for his daughter & doesn't understand she needs to figure that out for herself. One baby step I see is the good connection between your W & mother.
Guess, I didn't think you could bring people/family along to your hearing.
Just give her some time & keep your chin up.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Man, that is EXACTLY the way I felt about my WAW, especially since I had no way of presenting MY side of the story to her friends and family.
But I've since been doing my best to drop the damn rope. You have to realize that she's being "misguided" only because she's presenting her perspective of the sitch, and I'd bet big bux that story isn't quite fair and balanced. So as her "rescuers and protectors", their initial response to such a "beast" is to go toe-to-toe, bareknuckle, and diiiirrrty.
In other words, don't be angry at her father or any of ther family. They're only doing what your W wants them to do. One day, the fire raging inside of her will die down, and she'll be forced to sift through the ashes. Your job is to try your best to survive the fire unscathed. Who knows? She might see enough of a foundation in the "new" you to rebuild from the ashes her house of love.
Time...it hurts, but it heals...
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
Ms, She's always had a strong bond with both of my parents. She would be the first to say that she has a better relationship with them than her own parents. Today was not easy. We were in a full court room. All of my dirty laundry was out in the open for everybody to hear.
I've spent this past year reading, learning & preparing to better myself for my M. Now it just might be for me alone .... but that's ok. (If my H changes his mind then I'm ready to help lead us on the correct path to a better M).