I don't know chicki, that man does not sound like someone to aspire to. I know this is the DB site, but I don't see a whole lot to respect in him.
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When he dropped them back, he told me 'wipe my mouth, u still have stuff'....
This is not how a man should talk to a woman. This is not respect. This man is toxic. Stay away from him.
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Yeah he thinks he is being funny when he's like that, I no longer laugh, its gotten really old.
It is not just old, it is toxic. You say it is "old" like you are no longer amused. But it was never amusing. You thought it so as a way to protect yourself. It is harassment. In a marriage, it is called abuse. You have been so close to it for so long, you don't realize how toxic it is. You seem think it is just part of the atmosphere, but it is not. You seem to accept it as just part of life. You should not accept this.
Can you not say, "Look, I don't appreciate you talking to me like that. I want you to stop talking to me that way and stop making those gestures. It's not funny, and it's not acceptable. "
Follow up immediately with a written communication, either email or in the mail. It should state that you no longer welcome any of his comments of a sexual nature, during kid exchanges. In the written document, be specific about what he said and did that you find unacceptable. example: You said, "wipe your mouth, you still have stuff." I do not wish to hear these comments from you any longer. You also made a gesture simulating a sexual act. I do not wish to see this around the children. State clearly that you insist that he restrain himself (use that specific word) from making these unwelcome comments and gestures. State that you hope he can respect your wishes.
Save a copy of the written communication. I'll bet if you asked your divorce attorney, s/he would write this up for you free of charge.
And after you give him the clear message that you will not accept it - The next time he does something like this (and he will do it again) say nothing, but shut the door (calmly) in his face, or turn around and quietly and calmly walk away. Act with strength and grace.
And then go to your local jurisdiction and file a formal, legal petition for protection from him. State in the petition that he has continued to harass you even after repeated requests that he stop. This is a hassle but it will work. It will stop the comments and gestures immediately.
Chicki, Do not accept this for yourself any longer. Your daughter needs you to be strong and stop this now. You have lived in this poison for too long; teach your daughter that it is not acceptable, teach her how to stand up for herself with strength and grace.
He is not a man. He is a 12-year old who has no father to teach him right from wrong.
This is not about "Teaching him". There is no hope of that. IT is not about penalizing him. My suggestions are about getting you back to a point of self-respect, where you can recognize when someone is abusing you, and take appropriate action yourself to stop it. I am not suggesting you adopt a "victim" mentality, but instead a "victor" mentality. Own it. Stop the harassment now. Not with anger. With quiet strength.
