I'm sorry you are going through this still. I know how hard it is. After 2+ years, I still have moments when I feel as if I can barely function, especially whenever there's a new discovery about H and ogre. It does get easier, but I really don't know if the pain ever ends. There are also moments of clarity and times when I feel like I have truly taken a step back and risen above it all. If only those feelings could be permanent...
The best you can do is to keep the focus on yourself. Live as if H isn't coming back. Be the woman H will forever regret leaving. Our H's know we have left the the door open for them, but it's their choice not to return.
Keep moving and be confident that you will be ok, no matter what the outcome.
