Signs to say WAW woke up?

[dday101798]

Hey I don't mind being wrong in a case like this.
I love it in fact!

Just be careful you don't cross a line when you're expressing yourself - if you do it wrong and it sounds too much like you're blaming HER for EVERYTHING she will withdraw and you'll have been two steps forward just to wind up 3 steps back.

Enough said about that.

Hell maybe your sitch will turn out to be one where you just needed to man up and stop kowtowing to her!

Good luck and keep us posted!



AmyC

Thanks Amy!

I understand your position and thank you for your input. Perhaps a little more insight to my sitch will help you understand. My W mother passed 2 years ago and sent W into a slow developing tail spin I didn't pick up on. We as most people were/are in a financial bind with the cost of a home we got greedy for when the market was good. She turned to her friends, when I wasn't there for her in which she became addicted to drugs. I saw this as I was being shut out and felt like I just wasn't good enough to support her needs. In turn while doing so she began to have her A, weither it was a PA or EA before walking, I'm not sure.

It's taken me a long time to see and know that I did in fact put my hand in causing her to be in the situation she is. Every day I learn something new about what I did wrong. Hence, I accept and forgive.

By me speaking for myself and expressing what I feel to her instead of keeping it inside is a huge change for me. I would always 'bottle up' to avoid conflict, which in turn obviously back-fires. I know it's a fine line, but know that when I do tell her what is on my mind whether positive or negative, I now say it in a tender tone, without casting blame, and apologize if there may be no way to put it kindly. She has accepted this thus far and has been thankful in her own way for me stating how I feel. Granted she may feel that I teeter at times and she doesn't know which way I'm going, but she is starting to understand that it's her situation with OM that creates it.

I am by no means being selfish anymore, yes I was, but not now. I see her 'ride' taking off and only hope she makes it thrugh okay (and quickly would be nice, but hey). I am more than confident now that she will come full circle through this and we'll have a lot of work, but in the end a much better understanding of each other.

I did play the typical LBS and beg and plead and push her away further. Now after learning that the hard way, I now know better. I do not bring up R or M talk, I let her. I try not to make initial contact each day, I let her. I'm letting her determine what my role in her life is instead of asking. And it works so far

So, in closing, what do you say to my question from your standpoint? Do you think it would be helpful or hurtful to try and aide her through her ride?

Thanks!