All that you can't leave behind... (43)

[AliSuddenly]

Maria,
Can I ask you, if you dont mind, did he say mean things at the bomb? Did he say IDLYA or was it an ILYBINILWYA !? You havent mentioned so far (perhaps you havent talked about it yet) whether or not, now that he's decided to come back to you, whether he has retracted those statements? I know you said that he told you he did love you all year and you didnt believe him (I dont blame you!) but did he actually say that he didnt mean the things he said last Sep - Nov ? I'm just interested, in the mind of a WAS.

Today I am struggling with hearing the IDLYA and considering there is someone else, perhaps he really did mean that at the time, or whether its a case of transference of the IL feelings to someone new. So, just curious, especially for you and your sitch whether your H has said that he was sorry for saying those things and how valid they were at the time, on reflection, a year later.

Why are you not excited or pleased that he wants you back, after fighting for him for a year? (from last summer). Can you explain that one? I think I would feel relieved, if yes, wary/cautious, but relieved that it was heading in the right direction after a year of trying. Perhaps thats where I have been going wrong, wanting it too badly instead of detaching and giving up, letting go, as you always told me to do and you did.

Sorry, feeling philisophical today.

Ali xxx