ok its time to post

[Dawn of Hope]

Trapt,
I'm sorry to hear that your W is spewing negativity at you. The thing I always like to think about in sitches like that is, "Be like Teflon." It is rarely about you, unless you have been fanning the flames somehow. If there is truth to any of her criticisms, acknowledge it and apologize and if appropriate, say what you will do to avoid a repeat of whatever it is. If there is no truth to any of it, just her anger spraying everywhere...be Teflon, baby!

Don't try to argue with her or defend yourself or make excuses; it's just gasoline on the fire. I think you already know this, but it's always helpful to be reminded of these things that don't come naturally. My goal in dealing with my illogical, unreasonable MLCer is to give him NOTHING that a reasonable person in his position could object to about me (never mind that a reasonable person wouldn't BE in his position). These days he mostly (hey, I'm not perfect yet!) has to resort to utter absurdities to criticize me (on the order of "you serve peas with dinner at least once a year," as One Day got from her H as a reason for moving out).

I think that easy button is probably located in the same place as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

I found out the hard way that you have to be very careful who you talk to about your sitch. Most people in RL will NOT support your DB efforts, because they care about you and think the surgical severing of the M will allow you to feel better faster. Nope, doesn't work that way, sorry. You have to pray (if that is your inclination) and seek the answers from God and/or that calm center from which you will have clarity of mind and purpose. Know what you are doing and why, and other people's opinions (and your WA's attempts to yank your chain) won't push you around. Sometimes it takes a while to get to that place of deep knowledge of what you must do, but when you do, it's sort of like hitting a tuning fork in your perfect key. You feel the rightness of it all the way to your bones. Keep your eye on that long-term goal, and don't let the daily squalls push you off course.

This is a battle, a storm. You win through to the other side by being the stable rock, providing support and shelter, but standing firm for what's right.

Do you have a pastor or other spiritual advisor available to you? I would urge you to find a source of at least occasional support and encouragement in RL. Do you have any friends who truly believe in lifelong M? I have been blessed to have a pastor who counseled me, and several dear friends who have encouraged me in standing for my M (all are people of faith, and are all M themselves), and who have helped me stand up again when I was so beaten down by the sitch that I wanted to die. One of the reasons that I am alive today, besides the Big Guy Upstairs, is that these friends didn't give up on me; they walked through the valley beside me, and guided me when I couldn't see the path. Who among your friends and relatives is the closest person to God (or whatever name one might give one's higher power) that you know? Is that person in a position to provide a sounding board for you? Do you have an IC?

Take care of yourself.

Blessings and peace,
Dawn