You know what drive me crazy? I read about so many women here whose husbands have treated them like absolute crap. And they still want their marriages. They still want to work on it. They still love them. I know I wasn't perfect, but I really and truly don't believe I was that bad. And look where I am. Grrrr!
You weren't bad, your wife is just dissatisfied with her own life and is taking it out on the only person she feels she can control. You are an easy target for her.
She is not willing to work on your M because she would have to take a real look at herself and see where all her own failures are and fix them. Step 1 - Realize she has failures. Ummmmm.......I'm sorry, she thinks she doesn't have any and therein lies the problem. Step 2 - Admit that it's not totally about you and that she has been treating you with NO respect at all.....ummmmmmmmmmm......Her, wrong? Admit she is at fault? NEVER! That would mean that no matter how much "control" she had it wasn't enough for her.
She is not a happy woman Jeff and only she can fix that. Until she realizes the depth of her misery she will not be able to fix it. Has she EVER had any kind of IC?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Nope. I think the only way that would happen would be if her mom (who is/was a psychiatric nurse) suggested it. Even then, I'm not sure. And I can't think of any way that is going to happen, anyway.
You know what drive me crazy? I read about so many women here whose husbands have treated them like absolute crap. And they still want their marriages. They still want to work on it. They still love them. I know I wasn't perfect, but I really and truly don't believe I was that bad. And look where I am. Grrrr!
Hi VF- You're absolutely right! At least know that with your new, improved self you'll find a better woman to share your life with if WAW doesn't come around. Something good will happen for you if you stay positive. I keep telling myself that if my D goes through, then I'll just attract someone new that's even better!
DBer since 2003 D - 3/24/09 GAL and DBing for myself
I have to figure out where to even start the letter. I've had things go through my head, but none of them are even complete sentences! Fortunately, I have C on Friday, that might help, too!
I think my goal at the moment is to figure out how to get Lisa ot Arizona!
OK, this was getting way too close to the bottom of the page!
So, that is going on in Arizona....
S20 is finding readjusting to being home a bit more tricky than he expected, I think. He really hasn't been home for any lenght of time for almost 16 months. Starting with bootcamp, he has been living the barracks life almost exclusively. He seems to me to be struggling with sitting still, and with actually getting to make choices! He gets frustrated, and says everything is flying around in his head. I think that he feels that he needs to decide everything at once, and do everything at once. We've been trying to remind him that it all can wait, he can get his feet back on the ground first. The other issue with him is his language! The little guys have been whacking him when it's "inappropriate". I'm surprised he isn't a bit sore! I think he will be fine, it's a combination of being 20, and wanting to know where you are headed and readjusting to not having to make many substantial decisions for almost a year and a half, I think.
S19 seems to be enjoying school. We'll see what he thinks in the next few months, when he gets to live through winter for the first time in years! And probably the most winter he has ever lived through! As I understand it now, he is planning to bring his GF home for Thanksgiving, as well as her roomate (who has the car!)
S14 (wow, did I say 14!) is just getting older by the minute. He is a good kid (they all are), he's doing well in school, of course it could always be better. He also has shown a bit of aptitude for hitting a golf ball. He's only been to the range twice, but has hit a few really nice shots, in my opinion. Might have to try to train him up!
S10 is also doing great. He is involved in a "peer mediation" program at school. He had the first training session Saturday morning. In the car on the way to his soccer game afterward, the Rush song "Trees" was on. It starts..."There is unrest in the forest, there is trouble with the trees. The maples want more sunshine and the oaks ignore their pleas." Then there's an instrumental bit, and S10 pipes up...."In steps the peer mediator. I think they are squirrels!" Sharp kid, that one!
W is W. Is she content? It certainly seems that way. Maybe the letter will help figure that out. Her mom had surgery for glaucoma Monday, went well. Her dad is doing well, and is supposed to get out of the hospital Friday.
And me? Well, I think I am doing ok. But, I think I am about done. It's hard not to think that I am wasting my time as far as the R is concerned. I think that I am doing better, so that's good, anyway. Except that I'd love a different job, and I can't golf worth crap.
So, how does one start a letter to one's spouse, asking if what would need to change for her to want to improve the M? And, how does one write it to try to get a real answer, and not one that accepts the status quo?
