San - yes, as ST said I have links to all my threads on the first page of this one. I also made a note next to the one that starts with a summary. Sorry to see you here but you're in a good place.
Jak - you will be proud of me. I called in to work today and am finally taking care of ME for a bit! I am totally exhausted after all the stuff going on so I'm enjoying the time doing nothing. Well OK not nothing, but reading here a bit, snuggling with the dog, those kinds of things.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Hey OT - it's been quite awhile. I can't have them myself for health reasons, which he's known all along. I can get pregnant but going through a pregnancy would be pretty dangerous for both me and a baby. I can get into details if you're curious but I'll spare you all that unless you're interested.
Years ago we talked about adopting and even started the process, but then sat down and had a real heart to heart on it, and I know this sounds awful but we both felt like it wasn't something that we wanted to do. It was a strange conversation because you could tell each of us was scared to tell the other how we felt. I ended up saying it first and H was incredibly relieved. I forget the exact response but it was along the lines of "Oh thank goodness you feel that way, me too!" We talked about it and both felt we were doing it because "we're married now we're supposed to have kids," not because either of us felt strongly that we WANTED kids.
We didn't really talk about it until we got to the "why you should pick us to adopt your baby" letter. We were reading examples and these people were so passionate about wanting children. Both of us stepped back and went "Wow... we really don't feel that strongly about it." We could write all day about why we'd be good parents but we were missing that burning desire to have kids, if that makes any sense. Don't get me wrong... I love kids and so does H, we're not anti-kid or anything, we're just not planning to have them ourselves.
Although it's interesting that you brought this up now because I have noticed H showing a lot more interest in kids in general. He used to mostly ignore them, or just have minimal conversations with most kids. Now he seems to almost seek them out. I noticed he was really 'taken' (for lack of a better word) with one of the little girls who came to the reception. He kept talking about how cute and sweet she was, and how she was a really good kid, a daddy's girl, etc. [don't worry, they left long before the bar-dancing started]
On the flip side there was another little girl who was pouting and in a nasty mood the whole night. He kept trying to help her find something fun to do and she shot down every idea (and I don't think her lip could possibly BE any further out). Later he said "I think she's just a rotten kid and likes being miserable." I suggested she might have had a bad day and H said "No she's just unhappy by nature, you can tell - she's too young to have had a bad day." When we've been around friends with new babies he's even wanted to hold them - total change for him. It's hard to explain but it's just WAY more attention than he's ever really paid to kids before.
And I, in turn, have been a little sad and wondering if we made a mistake in not pursuing the adoption thing. Which granted, we still could do, but after what's happened the past couple of years I'd be pretty hesitant. I would need to feel a LOT more secure in our M before I'd even consider it. Theoretically we could probably have kids of our own too if I found a specialist in super high risk pregnancies but I just don't know that it's worth it - H has said for sure that it isn't worth it to him for me to take those risks.
Although, it's very interesting that you asked that now because it's been on my mind a lot. Hmm..
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
NikB, My W and I adopted, we had two boys of our own and we went to Russia to get a little girl back in '99. I was very reluctant at first to adopt, so you might want to revisite the issue of kids in general. I am in the alt univ if you have questions. I was stationed at Mather AFB back in '87-88, plus my FIL still lives in Rancho Cordova. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach - I think it's more that the adoption process forced us to step back and look at the overall question of do we want kids at all. I know that some people have that strong desire to have kids but I think a lot (us included) are kinda ambivalent about it. I wonder sometimes if people had to "apply" to have kids kinda the way the adoption process works, how many would still have them. I think a lot would, but I also know a number of people who had kids as sort of the logical next step, and they aren't so sure they made the right choice (of course they love their kids, but they realize that they never put much THOUGHT into it ahead of time.)
OT - thanks! I look forward to hearing more from you. I'm curious now.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Thats Great that you took some you time, I am proud of you. I did just that today I only worked until Nine this morning and went home and Im'e just relaxing. Needed this. I know I am getting run down.
Im'e glad to hear how great the reception was and im'e sure you were wonderful hosts.
Don't you ever feel like dancing oon the table? Iv'e done it before in a college bar where my D went to school. Went down on parents weekend and showed them how to party.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Iv'e done it before in a college bar where my D went to school. Went down on parents weekend and showed them how to party.
I am sure your D appreciated it. I want to party with you J58!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
And I, in turn, have been a little sad and wondering if we made a mistake in not pursuing the adoption thing.
oh no, you definitely should not be sad. It would have been very sad had you had an adopted baby and gone through all that you have in the last 2 years.
What I think is wonderful is that God has allowed you guys to work thru all these problems and your M will be more secure than it ever was, and I think you guys will know when the time will be. I also think that as far as you've gotten in regards to your health, you are much better prepared to try to have a child then a couple years ago. don't you think?
and don't feel bad not wanting children, perhaps a calling could be you guys taking care of friend's children so they can secure their OWN marriages???
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I called in to work today and am finally taking care of ME for a bit! I am totally exhausted after all the stuff going on so I'm enjoying the time doing nothing. Well OK not nothing, but reading here a bit, snuggling with the dog, those kinds of things. 