Can any one tell me what they think. My W dropped the bomb on me 5 months ago I have been employing DB methods with mixed results. We are friendly now and even laugh together (I have been Trying to create a positive environment). She has been telling me what she misses about me on one hand but still talking about separation on the other (That she wants the house and we have split up finances). She seems too young to have a mlc but is evaluating her life says I am a great guy but doesn't want to be married.
She is "friend" with a 53 year old man who she cycles with a lot and is obsessed with this new hobby. She goes to his house but says nothing is going on (his wife died a year and a half ago).
She has been growing apart from her family to the point that, as her sisters maid of honor she has done nothing, to the disappointment of her sister. She treats her mother terribly as well. Any thoughts?
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
She most definelty can be going through MLC. My 29 year old W is too. My sitch is attached at bottom if you want to take a look. Funny, my wife got into fitness real strong and also is "friends" with an older man. Funny how that works. You should keep reading all you can here, keep up the PMA and vent whenever you need to.
Also check out user "trapt" posts, his young wife is going through this too. We all need to band together and stay strong.
Good luck we are here for you.
Married 10/12/2002 Me 35 Ring On Her 29 Ring Off D 4 S 2 Don't know if I am in love with you 10/7/08 Kinda Separated 10/7/08 EA/OM 6/6/08
my current thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1623276&page=1&fpart=4
Wow it is amazing how these sitchs are similar I read your posts. Sounds like you are making progress. I was tying to figure out the right direction and am glad I stumbled here I thought she may be too young for an MLC.
my W is warming up to me, telling me that she misses intimate things about me but then asks me if I want the house or were am I going to live. This is a lousy time to sell my house and she even suggested being roomates untill the spring. My response was that I think it may be too hard for me. I now think that maybe I should consider staying in the house if she wants to, so that I can continue being strong and show her kindess. You seem to be getting some results even though it has been a roller coaster.
This weekend we will be at her sisters wedding and I am hopping that I can show her that I can be a fun guy but not put any pressure on her. Like you this DB stuff can be exausting.
Cheers, Jeff
Keep up the good work!
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
That is a really tough call on the roommate thing. That is essentially what I am doing now. The tough part for me is that I am the only one working and we have children. So I really want her home for the kids.
Just be yourself at the wedding, be confident and not clingy. You don't need to show her anything, she will see who you are on her own.
Good luck.
Married 10/12/2002 Me 35 Ring On Her 29 Ring Off D 4 S 2 Don't know if I am in love with you 10/7/08 Kinda Separated 10/7/08 EA/OM 6/6/08
my current thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1623276&page=1&fpart=4
Thanks for the incite. I don't have kids so it does change things, it gives her the freedom to come and go as she pleases so I don't know when she will be home. I will keep reading your thread as well!
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I don't know about you two but something negative may have happened in your w's childhood. When I first met my w she would tell me that her and her father would fight all the time when she was a teen. She also mentioned that he favored her sister and would pick on her when she was growing up. He drank quite a bit when she was younger.
Hang in there chances are this is not going away anytime soon if it is a crisis. There is some awesome info. in the mlc resource threads. Plenty of wonderful and wise people. you can search the mlc archives by the names of some of the "wise ones."
Patience like you never had before. Show kindness and space, pay attention to what works and doesn't. Focus on yourself and learn to let go.
Thanks for the link it has some excellent stuff! Interesting what you said about the childhood. My W's father is only her stepfather and she never knew the birth father (she calls him the sperm donor)Her step father was a workaholic and has been suffering from depression for 6 years. He apparently hit her and her siblings when they were young. They all blame the mother for not leaving him. The list goes on but I guess this is consistent with what both of you have experienced.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
It's very sad, something that happens in childhood seems to be one of the more common themes. Our wifes had no control over this. It helps a little to think of that when the going gets tough. It's something we can't fix or control all we can do is let go and show nothing but kindness. I have also had to set some boundaries and be calm but firm about the OM. It's a balancing act.