My guess is that in many of these situations where the spouse up and walks away one day, saying that they've tried to make it work, they actually believe they have. They've done it silently of course, which is a little rough on us, but I think in some cases they honestly do believe they have tried to fix things.
I agree, and there are things that I can think back about that may tell me, in her own way, she was trying. She has never been one to open up and say what was on her mind..to me or anyone else.
In hindsight, if my behavior had been different during that year..what I promised her it would be..things may have been different. If she knew I was really trying, maybe she would have opened up...tried in different ways...so that we could have been on the same page during that year.
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I don't think your wife is working on your marriage right now.
I think she is enjoying the marriage that she always wanted. More specifically, I think she is enjoying the relationship with the man she loves as she always dreamed it would be.
Yes...the "relationship" we have now seems to be good. I still question what exactly it is based on, but there is no way I can deny that the 2 of us still click on most things...and it is not because of any trying or phony actions on my part.
Nor, hers...one thing I will say about my wife is, she is who she is. I need to remind myself of that, regardless of what I said about her "lying" to me and herself all those years. There is not a phony or pretentious bone in her body.
I know you have reminded me at times to treat it as a new relationship and maybe that is where she is right now...that waiting, watching...if that's the case than I have to be consistent and build on it, as should be done in any new relationship.
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I do believe that if a spouse has decided for it to be over, they will make it be over. That doesn't necessarily mean that they will push for an official divorce, but I believe they will move on. Perhaps with another person, perhaps just with a life on their own. Your wife has never done that.
"If she was leaving, she would be gone". Forrest Gump
You know when FG said that, I always thought gone..physically..not emotionally. In the beginning after the bomb, she was gone. Sometimes I still feel that, but it is rare, and even more rare that it is an overpowering feeling like it was.
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The time will come, presumably sometime AFTER you've been released from this threat hanging over you, that the two of you can begin communication about how better to love and care for each other. I think you've come so far in this area, and I will just encourage you to remain consistent in the husband that you've become.
That's my "limbo"...I want the communication. I am consistent if I am anything....good or bad.
Now...have to think about FG's question...what will I do to slow the down swings??..."work"?...there is a lot more to it than being a good "husband" I suppose??
