Piecing (or so I want to believe)

[7 Year Itch]

Time for another update. Again, awol is best for me at the moment. I do enough obsession on my sitch without this board. LOL

So, new developements.......

H agreed to start counseling with me. This is huge as he said he never would, and it wouldn't do anything. HE came to MY individual session with me last Friday, and my counselor offered to counsel us together, and H agreed. When we got outside, I even asked him if he felt "railroaded" into it, or if he really wanted to, and he said he wanted to.

It all sounds wonderful, but at the same time inthe same session, he told the C that the only feelings he has for me are feelings of me being the mother of his kids. HE's trying, but his feelings are changing. That's so scary.

I mean, we don't fight. We have fun together. We have had some of the best sex of our 12 years inthe last 6 months, ironically. We still have the same common goals for our lives we always did, same interests, same beliefs about raising our kids. And yet, we still could get divorced.

How on earth is that possible?

Trying to hold out hope. One day I'm on top of the world thinking we are going to make it, the next I"m thinking "I can't do this anymore, it's too hard".

I remember when I started on this board seeing in peoples signatures that the'd been at this several months, or even years ,and thinking.... "Wow ,I know I will never be able to do this that long". Well, here I am 7 months later, still at it.

We had a great weekend this weekend. I invited H over for a movie Sat. night. HE came, we had fun, and "relations". Then I was gone all day Sunday, and he had the girls. I asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner when he brought the girls home, and he said yes. When he came he had another movie in hand he had rented, plus food for us. Another great night, and more relations, and he stayed the night. ALL night. This is huge. Then Monday (yesterday), I was gone all day job hunting, he had our youngest while the oldest was in school. Then I had to take her to Brownies last night so he stayed with our youngest. When we got home and got both girls in bed, he stayed and visited awhile. Yes, MORE relations(yes, we seem to have broken down that wall! LOL), then he left to go home since he hadn't been home all weekend and it was a worknight and had to do laundry etc. He is coming back tonight to visit the girls and come for dinner.

It feels SO normal when he is here, and I hate hate hate when he leaves.

I hate not knowing what is going to happen in our future. I'm so tired of the rollercoaster. But the progress we have made over the last 7 months, when I truly break it all down, has been huge, so I cannot give up now.

Chris