How am I doing? Need some encouragement......

[Joe]

Sam,

Rent and watch Gone with the wind!

About the parents. I would have to say to just be yourself. Be courteous and polite as you always probably have been BUT avoid any R talk with them.

For myself, this is a touchy subject because when my W and I get through this, (Notice I said "WHEN"), then thats when my second major battle will begin, with my ILs. My w's parents have pretty much dropped me off a cliff. Same goes for my 2 BILs. I havent heard or spoke to my FIL or BILs since my D7's b-day on Canada Day back on July 1st. Actually, it was the week before July 1st in June that I last talked to them. And they acted fake, like nothing was wrong. I have a BIL that lives 3 mins away from my front door, and that includes parking the car! (We would drive if its raining!!) I have seen my MIL twice, because she has taken my W on 2 trips and so she spent the night before they would leave at our house. And she pretty much ignored me. And these people called me their son for 12 years. (We've been married 13, but Im not counting this year)

After my w dropped the bomb, I went to talk with them and I could see their disappointment in me because I had screwed up and hurt their daughter. But the only thing they told me was that it was best I pack my stuff up and move out of the house. Thanks alot. I can totally accept that they would and should be mad at me. But to send the message loud and clear that they dont support our M??? That its ok to tell my girls that if you have a major fight, to just run away from the problem and not fix it?? BS!! And I called these people Mom and Dad?? To be honest Sam, Im shocked at their approach to this. OOOOHHH honey, just leave them alone, dont get involved.... I really, really wish they would at least have the balls to say fix it- or do your best to get to the bottom of things and keep your m. Be mad for a while, send him (me) a clear message.

So my advice would to you is that if they still are in contact with you, just keep being yourself. Be strong, show them your changes and have confidence. Its funny that I can tell you this, because it is what I lack the most - confidence. But I am also having a tough week. I just told you not to talk with them about the r. But I also hope that they would want to see you and your w fix and make your m as strong as hell. I just dont get that message from my ILs. It makes me have to wonder just how much they totally accepted me into their family. If I was truly loved and accepted by them, no matter what Ive done or did in the past, and they KNOW how sorry I am for what I did to my W, why wouldnt they be encouraging her to stand up for herself. Find that strong voice that says "I will not tolerate anymore of your crap! So if you and I dont get help to fix whats wrong then we are done!"

I fully understand that where we are now is a result of my w finding her inner voice. She just hasnt learned how to use it yet. She still keeps things bottled up in her and refuses to talk to me about us. I am not going to bring it up either, it gets me no where and it is one of my 180s. But I hate to see her struggling because I just know that she wants to end us, but for some reason, wants to keep our r in limbo land. Yeah, I'm just slightly bitter.

Sorry for hijacking your thread and venting.

Joe