no expectations 9

[peacetoday]

Upside
I think why it is hurting so much today
I have lost hope and beginning to process this as final
I have DB for 20 months
My H and I have created this friendship
we talk and see eachother frquently
most would say wow nice how you 2get along even after the Lies, affair, bomb abandonment ect.
But he says hes done with M

My H has done a few things right through it all

( ofcourse this is right stuff for a WAS not a committed father)

1). pays us regualary and enough and more

2). Is available to the kids, sees them, takes them, calls them back

3.) Babysits for me..which allows me to leave the house,

4.) Fixes anything and buys stuff if needed for the house(which also saves me time and money)

5. ) H Has not tried to hurt me or the kids by introducing OW in the picture

6) He has filed for D after I told him to in May, then he has stalled refusing to complete paperwork

I have pushed him to complete paperwork and he said he would, but still says he doesnt have income tax returns..when Accountant says he does

7) visits 4x a week here at the house takes kids out or stays here..I leave He has not till this point found an apt and still lives at a friends?

8) He is still sure he has done the right thing by leaving

9) he looks bad with a weight gain of 30 plus lbs but says hes losing weight and appears calmer lately

My problem is the same
do I let it all continue

choices
a) leave it alone, stop pushing for D, stop asking him to get his own apartment -let him be to give him more time till february 2 years and I move ahead ALONE IN THIS TIME as I have
maintain a friendship


b) Push for D encourage his own place, so I dont have to see him
but then the kids lose on seeing him as often and I lose a free babysitter..go no contCT

c) maybe contiue him to visit here- leave the D on hold till he pursues it- move ahead WITH MY PLANS and be less available(DIM) but friendly still

any suggestions appreciated
peace