"As for me, I left emotionally, kept checking back in and getting burned"
Did the fire look hot? Or did you really not know it was hot?
"eventually H, having left emotionally long ago, left physically, seemingly in the most painful way possible."
It seemed hurtful to you cause you were still attached.. no matter how you spin it.. "someone" does not wake up one morning with the intention to hurt "someone" else. They just make crappy choices. In doing that they crap on the "someone" left.
It sucks.. it hurts.. it takes your breath away. It was not intentional.. it was a outcome to the choices they made.
"And hasn't looked back."
Part of me.. in knowing your history.. says thats a hint. In explaining it further.. the more you wave your arms and hope he looks back.. the less he wants to. You gotta know.. when to let go.. sometimes in doing just that.. it has the opposite effect.
Sometimes.. the still never look back.
"Living a delusion, but hasn't seen me as a person in months and so there's no way to work on this project."
Then stop.
"All I can do now is save myself and protect my D."
Save yourself first.. in doing so.. you protect D.
"If H comes out of that tunnel he's in someday as a grownup, it may be too late for us, but for now it's out of my control."
And this is Life. You show a DAM "Love" through your actions. He will see and respond to them.
All you have to do is be you.. nothing more.. nothing less. You may have to do it 2-3 times.. for him to make sure. Even if he misses it.. you still win. _________________________ Do Work.
I didn't want to keep hijacking cookie's thread!
on checking back and getting burned--yes, the fire was hot. Yes, it seemed a few degrees hotter each time, so I suppose I exposed myself for less time and pulled back inside a little quicker and a little further over time.
on making the departure as painful as possible--he dropped the bomb 3 days after I found out my job was going to be ending, 3 days before our anniversary, 4 days before my birthday. Could be coincidence, but I think at least part of it was timed to do the most damage.
on letting go or waving my hands to get his attention--I realized back in July, just 2 months into this thing, that there was nothing I was going to be able to do to get his attention. It was incredibly painful, hit me like someone punched me in the stomach. So I dropped the rope; there was nothing else to do. Let go or be dragged, as some wise person has as a tagline. And since that point I've just been breathing. Because that's when I gave up hope of avoiding divorce. The outcome will be the same regardless of what I do, so I'm just trying to avoid further damage to D and I. Never really had a chance to DB.
on coming out of the tunnel--that remains to be seen. I'm not holding my breath, I'm not waiting. I'm not putting my life on hold again to see whether he might someday love me enough to come back. Been there, done that. I've done some foolish things in my life in order to be loved, to not be alone. The best I can hope for from H is to bail when things get tough, because he's done it over and over in different ways. I can be alone with him or I can be alone without him. The second option seems a lot less complicated.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
