I just need to vent

[Livin4ME]

So I let H get to me this morning. He has a way of wanting to have these talks first thing in the morning. It's really annoying and I don't like starting my day like this. And this morning I let him get to me. He will be leaving again soon. He's thinking this week. And I even asked him last night to not make any plans this weekend coming up cuz I have my final exam next week and I have to spend the weekend studying. It's really annoying how selfish he is!!! He told me, 'If I do it this week or in 2.5 weeks what's it matter, I'm still gonna do it." So I tried flipping it around on him. He's still gonna do it, so what does it matter?! He lets me finish school without dealing with this bs or he leaves and starts crap right before I finish!? This exam is 80% of my grade! He said he would take the kids with him this weekend. Ummmm...hell no. That's really not gonna help me study! Sitting there trying to deal with my kids being with the OW!!!! And he informed me again today that she WANTS to be my friend!!! I told him no. Well, that's on me then he says. It's my fault we can't be friends. hahaha
We got alittle threatening with each other too. I told him I needed to go grocery shopping. He said he gave me money already. I didn't use it all. I left some in the account. He said he would go empty the account. So I told him I would call JAG (military lawyers). He said he knew it was gonna be like this and left for work.
We talked alittle bit about him taking the kids for overnights at her house. He knows it's going to make him look like a crappy dad to the courts. He agrees with me. But he still wants to do it because SHE wants it. So he's gonna allow her to let him look like a crappy dad to the courts and he's ok with. He says he'll explain it to the kids one day. That SHE wanted to spend time with them and he wanted the same. I was the one who wouldn't allow it. UGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! Can I please fastforward 6 months?!

[kerrysal]

Confused,

I'm a fly-by lurker... Question...do you have the option (with going through military courts as it appears you are going to be doing) to have a guardian appointed for your children? In "typical" courts, we have the option of appointing a Guardian ad litem when one party in the divorce clearly does not have the childrens best interests in mind. Review this link : http://www.divorcenet.com/states/georgia/ga_guardian ..while this is a georgia site, the description of the role of the guardian is pretty standard.

Your situation is beyond unique, and I am not here to pass judgment whatsoever. BUT..your children are going to suffer big time if he chooses to go this route and let the OW control him by the balls. It is unacceptable and YOU do NOT have to accept this for your children. I would seriously advise you to look into this . When my ex & I seperated, he moved in with an OW within a few weeks..obviously the relationship was going to fail..two married people (married to others..LOL)..when it did fail, it took me nearly 6mos to clean up the collateral(sp?) damage to my girls. Your children should NOT be around OW, certainly not for overnights & she has NO say in your arrangement. I'm not trying to hijack or offend, but you need to know there is potential for serious emotional harm to your kids here. A guardian appointed by the court creates a way for a 3rd party non-biased individual to keep their emotional health as a priority. Just my 2cents..best of luck to you..

Kerry

[Livin4ME]

Hi Kerry,
Altho he is military, we do not have any JAG offices here. I spoke to one while I was visiting my family in another state. So everything we will be doing will be thru the civilian courts. I have made contact with a JAG office tho, so I can continue to contact them if need be. And he is not able to because I made contact first.
I'm not familiar with the Guardian thing, but I will definitely look into it.
I completely agree with you 150% regarding the children. They do not need to be around her. He agrees with me regarding the overnights. But he won't tell her this because it means he agrees with his W not his GF. Yes, she has a tight grip on his cajones!!! He has had them around her on many occasions, thinking he is hiding it from me. But I'm not completely stupid! When we finally do go to court, I will let the judge know that on several occasions, he lied to me about where my children were (i.e. sleeping) and had refused to give me an address where they were at. I feel that because of his lack of judgement, he does not have the best interests for the children at hand. His past has proven that on many instances (i.e. leaving his W numerous times over the course of a year to go be with OW, only to leave her to come back to W. Dismissing the D, and continuing an affair, etc.)
I have told him, she is not their stepmother, she has NO say in the decisions of OUR children. They have already dealt with enough. When this all started, my D was only a few months old, she didn't know any different. But my S was 2.5, he knew and had a very difficult time. Even tho we thought we were protecting him he still knew what was going on. He knew that Dada lived at his house with HER. And that we lived at our house. For the longest time after H came back this time, S would ask him if he was going back to his home because this was our home. The crying for him at night. The temper tantrums for him. The meltdowns when H dropped them off. Also, I would ask if he had fun with Dada when he got home after his weekends with him, and he would look at me with this look of, I don't know what to say. Like he couldn't tell me that she was there. My 3 year old was doing that!! Now tho, my D has gotten closer to him. She's becoming a little daddy's girl. She's still young, so it won't be the same, but it will still be difficult for her.
No offense taken Kerry, I appreciate your post. Thank you for the link to the website, I will definitely look at it and look into my state too.

[Livin4ME]

Also, JAG can still do things even tho we will be in civilian court. They can write letters to his command if he does not support his family. JAG informed me that because we are still married and have 2 children together, he is required to give me 3/5 of his income. If he doesn't, I contact JAG, they write a letter to his command informing them he's not supporting his family. He gets in trouble, I get money for groceries. Military always takes care of their own, even if the spouse is not. My children will always be taken care of by the military, insurance, and such. No matter what H decides to do. And if he refuses, I contact JAG. Even after our D. At that point, it goes on his service record and it will affect future promotions and such. I would never do that because he is not letting ME have something, like spousal support or something. But if he's holding out on money for groceries for his kids because his GF wants something, I will contact JAG. Even if they end up getting married, his children come before she does.

[Sugar and Spice]

. But if he's holding out on money for groceries for his kids because his GF wants something, I will contact JAG. Even if they end up getting married, his children come before she does.

It sounds to me like she has him by the short hairs and will not be letting go anytime soon. Wow. I read your previous posts and I'm just amazed that he would/could even THINK that you and OW would be friends. FWIW I would do whatever I needed to do to get me and my kids in the best possible situation and if you have to resort to calling JAG, do so. He is not acting your K's best interest. He is using the little brain to do his thinking and if you read my sitch at all...the little brain is not your friend and will only get you into trouble if you are a man.
Hang in there sweetie. ((((Hugs))))

[kat727]

I thought it was just a little man. Guys think it has a brain but we all know better! Thus thinking with the little man isn't thinking at all!!

kat

[Sugar and Spice]

I thought it was just a little man. Guys think it has a brain but we all know better! Thus thinking with the little man isn't thinking at all!!
kat

EXACTLY RIGHT!!! I've just always told H that there are two brains, the little brain and the big brain and letting the little brain do the thinking is not in his best interest, as the little brain doesn't really think. I used to tell him the the little brain wasn't HIS friend, he was MY friend, but not his. But that was then...