One thousand posts later...

[hoosiermama]

We had a lot of wind last night--change in weather, I imagine--and I was without power all evening. Boring!! But restful, I suppose.

H did call me, about bills. Ended up telling me a little bit about his trip, and his surprise opportunity to see Obama, who was staying in the same hotel. He had emailed me to ask if I had arranged to have the pool closed, but I didn't get a chance to answer it before the power went out. For one thing, no service--even if I could afford it--does closings for above ground pools. I don't know what all is involved, because he always did it--so I haven't done it myself. He said he'd do it next weekend with a friend he works with, but that "he can't keep doing this." Okay, right. I don't care, say what you want--just do it and it'll be done and I'll do it next year.

[theoden]

Hoosier,

Be well, my dear.

--Theoden

[hoosiermama]

Theo,



Thanks

[Puppy Dog Tails]

LOL!! Just got an email from H, as we're trying to work out visiting arrangements for the week. Says he'll need to devote some time to completing the "discovery documents that I requested".

First of all, it's never a problem for me to have my daughter with me as much as possible. Not an inconvenience, not in the way. So having her more often this week isn't a negative consequence of completing divorce paperwork (in the divorce that he filed).

Second of all, I didn't request any documents. It's standard procedure in divorce cases in this state to submit a financial disclosure statement, which I did a month ago at his attorney's request--knowing it's just part of the initial process. Now he's inconvenienced by completing the same documents, which are standard. Gosh, I hate to tell you H, but there's some work, some inconvenience and some outright pain to this process that you wanted, even for those who are entitled to happiness and self-actualization with their soulmates outside the marriage. This is cracking me up; he may have to grow up just a little bit and he's whining about it.

Man, what a hoot. Yeah, it's the COURT that requests them -- standard operating procedure, buddy! -- hate to tell ya.

What a dweeb.

[hoosiermama]

Exactly. Thank you. But easier to blame me, who's to blame for everything including avian flu and global warming, than something nebulous like the court system.

Today's email, regarding visitation with D, said: "I just am wanting to communicate my desired involvement in her life. It doesn't have to change just b/c our living situation has." ROFLMAO! Take off those loveblinders, buddy, because waaaaay more than our "living situation" has changed.

If H and OW are still together by our initial hearing date (mid-December), it will be longer than their initial relationship! Maybe she's waiting until the divorce is final to become disillusioned with him this time.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Send him a truth dart, Hoozh. Tell him "If you don't think what you've done has changed our daughter, then you're more deluded than I thought. Grow up."

[hoosiermama]

Puppy, if I thought he'd even hear what I said, I'd say that. In fact, I've said it. A lot. I feel like the teacher (or any adult) in the old Peanuts specials--waa waa waa waa waa waa. Or--here's another one...the master speaking to his dog and the dog hears "blah blah blah Fido blah blah blah." Better yet, the owner speaking to his cat, but there's only an empty cartoon balloon over his head for what the cat hears. That would be H--that cat. Got the visual?

[theoden]

Hoosier,

You are dealing with the lovely narcisissm of these situations.

Funny, I feel sad/guilty when I contemplate filing for Divorce, given the impact on my children. And I have grounds.

Do you ever wonder what that feels like: to act with no conscience, no fear, complete detachement, seemingly doing whatever you please, regardless of who it hurts? It must feel very liberating, at least in the short term. It certainly gives the WAS/Adulterer a tactical advantage regarding the balance of power in the troubled marraige, especially if the LBS wants to keep the marriage together.

Of course, that's why we have Puppy here: to remind us not to be afraid and to be willing to let out spouses feel the consequences of their actions.

--Theoden

[hoosiermama]

Hi, Theo--

It actually frightens me to think of acting without conscience, without fear, without consideration of my actions on those I love and for whom I'm responsible. But then, I'm not mentally ill (at least, not most days). I really think of this as a mental illness, because mlc'ers truly seem out of touch with reality. They're delusional for sure. And believe me, they're aware of their power. H wields it like a club at times.

And I look forward to the day when H feels some consequences, because I truly don't think he has until now. It boggles my mind to know that he's actually received sympathy for his situation from friends and colleagues, because of the pain he's experiencing (they seem to forget the pain he's causing !) The few sessions of "MC" we did several months ago--which were all about easing the way for D12--were quite painful because the MC seemed to consider H a victim. Of what, I'm not sure.

[ThinkingItThru]

Hoosier,

This is also something that stunned me a couple of weeks ago when H said, "what does it matter who leaves first?" I was at a loss for words because this is such an obvious thing to me. There is SO MUCH responsibility in making that decision that I didn't understand how he could be so flippant about it. I'm in this through thick and thin because I see the impact this would have on all the people I love. I just don't understand how you could not see the damage this will do.