Sir- The biggest thing I realized as I read my posts was how up and down I was......emotional rollercoaster. I am more stable in my thinking now. DOn't think that every day isn't still a struggle. Marriage is hard work. It is not easy. It is the hardest thing and I always thought it should be easy. That's why I say to the LBS, don't give up. This is hard on you, but hard on the wayward spouse as well....very hard....to go on faith, to act on faith, to trust something when you don't feel it, and to put forth the effort when another option not only seems easier, but is what you seem to be pulled toward.
We had a talk today. We both cried. We are both struggling with our past. We realize that before we were married, we had the love and excitement and passion we should, but the moment we got married we became the "old married couple" right away. It was like we were the 90 year old couple rocking in the chairs together. Fine for when we are 90, but not at our age!!!! We're working on it. We have so many regrets and we have learned to not dwell on the past, but once in a while we need to talk about it. TOnight was that night and it was painful. At the end of it, though, we got to a good place and talked future. Before, we would have ended it crying and hopeless.
I can say this from my own experience with both an A and a gambling addiction, they are very similar. I do believe that my H's addiction led to his A, but the "addiction" aspect of the A is what has kept it going. If the person engaged in the A has a PD or problem with addiction, the A can be their "drug of choice" if you will. Its scary.
WDID, thanks for stopping by my thread, I answered your question and thanks.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I agree with everything Corey said. I've noticed that a lot of our WAS seem to have addictive personalities. My H is a sober alcoholic but after he gave up the alcohol, he replaced it with a series of addictions: billiards, kayaking, table tennis, running, triathlons, etc. Except for the running his addictions all have last about 1 or 2 years. And my H acted like a crack addict denied his fix when he couldn't text the OW in the first couple months of their affair. Seems like addiction to me anyway. Karen
Yes. The A was like a drug to me. It was an instant buzz. I knew that I was guaranteed happy feelings. The next day, big hangover....physical problems, regrets, etc. When leaving OM for good I went into severe withdrawal. Was always thinking about getting a "hit".
A frightening analogy, but very validating for me all the same. I see the same things in my H, mostly with the gambling, but also with the troll. As much as the addiction part has hurt, I almost dread the withdrawl part even more...
Just read your post to H4H and it was so good. You give him the perspective he needs to keep up with his fight. We all try, but what you say seems to have a lot of impact on him and he needs that. Thank you. Roger is a good guy and I so wish I had someone that would fight for me the way he fights for his wife. (sorry for the thread-jack, just wanted to tell you.) Sugar
Last edited by Sugar and Spice; 10/27/0802:39 AM.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
WDID can you give me some guidance on my thread, please?
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Yes. The A was like a drug to me. It was an instant buzz. I knew that I was guaranteed happy feelings. The next day, big hangover....physical problems, regrets, etc. When leaving OM for good I went into severe withdrawal. Was always thinking about getting a "hit".
Sorry to hijack here, but I just wanted to give a shout to Whatdidido.
WDID, I guess I've read some of your posts in the past, but was really interested in a quote of yours Dr. Love posted. Something about liking the hugs, but not feeling the desire, etc. That sounded precisely like what my WAW was going through. Unfortunately, I have an appt with my lawyer this afternoon to review the paperwork she filed. I just wanted to let you know how much I respect your committment to rebuilding the marriage. Good luck with everything.
Thank you hopeforfuture. I'm so busy this week. I hope to get caught up with everyone next week. Feel like I am just keeping my head above the water with work. H is being wonderful. Planning bday stuff for him for next month.
