I almost feel guilty posting these days as things are pretty good on my side, and it seems like they are really rough for everyone else right now.
H's dad is out of the hosp from his cardiac issues. Not sure what triggered them- mild heart attack?, etc. but the good news is he is doing okay for now.
It is really strange to now be part of my H world again in terms of visiting his apt. Have now been over 4 times to have dinner or just watch a video. He spend a night at my house this weekend and after he fell asleep in bed I looked over and for a minute it felt so normal, it was like none of this had ever happened.
He seems a bit more affectionate overall- which is a big change from several weeks ago. I only hope that this will last.
There has been a few weird things. I guess his EA/'friend' moved out of the apt building (she had an apt there), but didn't get all her stuff out in time so some of it is at his apt.. of course it has crossed my mind with various scenarios, but I am trying not to think too much. Of course I have tried to eyeball things as much as possible while I am visiting.
I guess whatever has happened I can't agonize over, and at this point just work on building from where we are now. I would like to believe that he thinks he is just being a good friend... but...
Oh well. He is acting slightly more invested these days.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Nothing huge to add today. Just a few more little comments over the past day that make me think things are mending. The other morning, as he was getting ready to leave for school (way to early- I really don't enjoy waking at 5, but for him anything), he kinda blurted out 'you're fun!'. Strange timing, as I'm semi-comatose in bed- but Hey! I'm FUN! again in my husbands mind.
He had also forgot to e-mail himself a file from my computer he needed, so texted shortly after he left and said if I'd send it to him he would 'love me forever'. I texted back that it was a deal!
H has also thrown his back out again this weekend, so is pretty short in general and in pain, so I have tried to do some nice things for him. I commented that it seems that I can't stop trying to take care of him. His response was that he still likes me caring for him or something like that.
It is a shift in our talk- slight positives. No outright 'I Love YOu's', lets fix it all right now, or anything huge, but I am starting to see how nothing about this process is huge. It is a billion tiny steps forward to a long path.
Even though things aren't fixed, I know I would never be where we are now without DB, Jody, and this board.
I keep on thinking to myself- Love it patient, love is kind. And that is how we need to live our lives, every day, every reaction.
So- thanks everyone. i do hope we can have a big party at the end of this together.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Just want to say that it sounds REALLY positive. I'm very happy for you. The "you're fun", and "love you forever" comments are nothing short of amazing.
Isn't it "funny" how after we've been through this we learn to really appreciate the smallest things, the touch of a hand, the genuine smile etc.? Really such an eye-opening experience...
I hope you are doing well today!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Was out of town last week and didn't get to keep up with things... Since I've been back it's been work, a bad tooth (need a root canal monday and visiting my H! Oh= I got a new puppy too which has kept me on my toes.
Since the 'man cave' has opened up to me (I guess 2 weeks now?) it really makes me hopeful that things are going to be okay in the long run. He will call me on my way home from work to see if I want to go over to spend some time. I am seeing him several times per week now!
It is strange, because the more I am around him the more I miss him. I had gotten to the point where I was doing pretty well at detatching. Now I feel like I am re-attaching?
H is planning on spending today/tonight at the house, so we can spend time together, watch football, etc.
I have also realized that we are coming up on 5 months since this sep. started. WOW. I never thought I would make it throught the first weeks, and here it is so much later. I remember wanting things to be all better intantly, now in retrospect I think that time/patience is really the key to making it through this mess- which ever way it goes.
I am catching up on your threads and hope to post later...
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Really glad to hear that things seem to be progressing positively for you. I'll keep my fingers crossed!
Couldn't agree more on the time thing. It's not that things are rosy the more that time passes, but I think there is the understanding that there is usually no way that problems this big can be solved as quickly as we'd like. I guess for the LBS they could be solved quickly, but the WAS usually needs a lot more time than we do it seems...
I've read the theory that it takes 1 month of work for every month that you're married. I've interpreted that more as every month you're together. In your case you've been together 6 months, so possibly by the end of the year? I'm pretty much in your timeframe too, 7 years together, about 4 months of this.
Anyway keep us posted. We don't hear from you as often as we'd like to! Let us know how things go with your H staying over.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
uhg, so i had my root canal yesterday. I know people get these all the time, but first time for me. The actual procedure wasn't bad at all, but after the novacaine wore off- ouch! took my painmeds which made me throw up for the rest of the day.
Which leads to my disappointment in my H... He didn't call all day to check on me- not until after I left him a message at 11pm that I was going to bed. He knew I had this scheduled for today, and was really nervous about it. One of his complaints about our R was that he felt I was never there for him. Maybe this was payback? I think more likely it was just him not even thinking about it...
Anyway- I was really hurt. all my other friends called to check on me. I left him a message that I had really hoped he had called and that I had a bad day. Maybe not DB, but I felt I had to let him know that I was hurt and sick. Makes me wonder if he will ever be there to look after me.
Todays a better day... I have the next 2 days off to relax and recover.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
and visiting my H! Oh= I got a new puppy too which has kept me on my toes.