From here on out if any of your thoughts revolve around thoughts of what he would think / do / feel. DROP the thought. If you want to do something... GO DO IT!!
Your thoughts and actions going forward are strictly about you and the kids, in that order.
It is time for you to distance yourself from the drama and the best way to do that is to limit contact. Only text your H about the kids or schedules. STOP reaching out to him, STOP trying to get answers to questions, just live life Sandy's way. If you must, role play him being away on business and you being home with the kids. Do all of those things you would on any typical day. Let the wonder, the uncertainty, the fear, go.
It is trying at first, but with just a little determination, you will amaze yourself at how well you can cope and actually move to thriving. It works, been there, as have many others. The key is get started.
Set some simple goals and set your sights at achieveing them!
Give a list of 2 goals you want to accomplish just for yourself by the end of the week. post them here and we will give input if needed. I think you will be amazed with the results.
The negative interactions .....Your dreams may not match with his dreams today, but do you truely know what his dreams are? I don't think he has a dream at all. How do I know? If he's living his "dream" why is he upset with you? If he is totally happy and content, where does being upset with you fit? There is no basis for it. If you are totally content and living your dream, would one persons actions bring out the worst in you? I didn't think so. Your H's mind is still working, still wondering. The best way I know to get his mind working in your direction is to have him recognize all of your positives.
Great stuff Steve, Thanks !
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
One of my goals is to take care of myself and my appearances better, to change my appearance a bit, and to get into better shape. I started by getting some new clothes. I am just beginning to excercise.
Another goal is changing my career and I am talking to folks who may have knowlege that may help me.
I don't know if it is an actual goal, but I have noticed that I have begun to take an interest in socializing more and actually enjoy having a smile on my face at church and being friendly to folks who may expect me to be completely devastated ( which I have been in the past.)
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
No...it wasn't out of the blue.. we had been texting throughout the day.
I had asked him to take the rest of his stuff from the closet when he was here on Sunday. He had said the rest of the stuff was goodwill.
I had asked him to let me know if this is really it..if you have not read..my husband has gone back and forth the entire 7 months. I get my hopes up..then he leaves again. I needed to hear from him if he was really done..so I can move on...
In my case, W said ( for the second or third time) that its over about a month ago.
So when we had an arguement over finances she said again, oddly enough 'And don't even think about reconcilliation', to which I replied ' I'm not.'
I had already taken her earlier statement at face value and had decide to 'drop the rope', that is, no longer put any kind of expectation that we might work it out.
(Of course there is always that possibility, but I think it is important to move ahead as if it won't. My life has been on hold for over 6 mos. and I need to pick up the peices)
San, I really think that your H and my W are using this type of dramatic 'It's over' announcement as a way to manipulate or get some kind of power or revenge on us.
"I needed to hear from him if he was really done..so I can move on..."
You don't need for him to make up his mind. You DO need to decide to go on with your life. If you do, you will be in a better place to reconcile if he changes his mind later. He needs to think, really feel, what its like to lose you !!!!! Don't press him to make dramatic statements like this bc I think that it makes it harder for him to reconsider if he changes his mind later.
Just acknowlege what he says, say a little prayer for strength and start GALing.
Last edited by native; 10/28/0811:51 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
Actually I did acknowledge what he said .. I wont be mean and vengeful thru this..someday he will realize the huge mistake he made letting me go. If he never does..well then he didnt deserve my love.
Thank you for being a wonderful husband and man. I will always love you. You are my everything. I wish you happiness.. I will always be your angel watching over you. Good bye..All my love, San
Not the DB thing to say..but from my heart. He always called me angel.
I will be ok... it can only go one way or the other right? I have been thru bad...the only thing that can get worse is the money..maybe we will lose the house...who cares..so I will move and rent..only time will tell if he choses to screw his children out of their home and security.
Tanning allows you "alone" time. Away from everything. Use the time to simply relax, regenerate. If you feel better about yourself when you're done... Bonus!!
Reading is a great pastime, I should do it more myself.
It's only Tues, let us know how you do on the goals later in the week.
"I needed to hear from him if he was really done..so I can move on..."
You don't need for him to make up his mind. You DO need to decide to go on with your life. If you do, you will be in a better place to reconcile if he changes his mind later. He needs to think, really feel, what its like to lose you !!!!! Don't press him to make dramatic statements like this bc I think that it makes it harder for him to reconsider if he changes his mind later.
Sandy, this is EXACTLY what I've been trying to tell you for several weeks. This should NOT be HIS decision, it should be YOURS. He has forfeited his right to make it his decision by his repeated infidelity, and destructiveness toward your feelings!
