After S7's cub scout meeting tonight, I dropped him off at W's apartment -- and then signed the contract to sell my house. I no longer want to even be friends with this person anymore. She's become everything I don't want in my life. We're taking at least a 15k loss in what we should have gotten for the house if she hadn't been so frakking foolish back in September. I was tempted to tell her that she should take this out of her "cut", but I'm letting it go -- it's not about the money. Right now I'd be willing to part with the 15k just to have her out of my life, with her having no strings attached to me whatsoever. No more presumptions by her that she gets to dictate my life. What I wouldn't pay to remove the stain from my soul, having merged with hers.
I wanted peace between us and cordiality, if not love or respect, for our children's' sake. But I no longer hold out hope even for that, not from her. She has read me the wrong way for so long -- she sees me trying to be business-like and cordial, congenial at times even, trading stories about the boys, and mistakes that for me still holding the rope. I dropped that rope some time ago.
But that misconception in her mind has led her to continue to be extremely hurtful towards me, to say and do things to shore up the divide between us as if it weren't already so great in magnitude.
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Have to correct you on this one. Your wife has seriously changed. Shifted. Changed her morals and her life plans. This is not who you married and not who you fell in love with. Don't rewrite history like they do, because you loved each other. She didn't manipulate you in the past, because she wasn't that sort of person then.
It's true. I have been naive and ignorant on a lot of things in my life, but I know we did indeed love each other at one time as much as each of us was capable of. She could not have fooled me that much. I still don't know when she really began to change or if it was sudden or gradual. I go over and over it in my mind, and I just don't know. What I do know is that she has become quite adept at putting on a mask. She does so all too easily now. It's unnerving to me -- I have a hard time dealing with such falseness in people, and I just never expected to see this in her. I thought she was true, and valued that as much as myself.
No, I know I won't have to lift a finger for the divorce to happen. W has most assuredly set her mind on that. I don't believe her for one second when she says she has no intention of ever remarrying again. In fact, I know her enough to know she's gunning to get OM extracted from his own M, and will then proceed to marry the SOB. If she does, then heaven help them both. I won't shed another tear on her ever again after that.
All I know, and I've thought long on this, is that I won't allow that scumbag to have any serious role in my S's lives. I don't respect any home-wrecking slimeball like that, and I don't expect my S's to have any respect for a man who would not only help break up his own family's home, but their family as well. They can't help it if W is their mother, but by gum they don't have to put up with that bastard being foisted on them as some pseudo-father figure either.
Now some of you probably think I am way off base on this point. No doubt, some of you would argue that what might be best in the interests of my S's is to have a peacble situation for them, even if it means the OM gets to be called their "daddy". Screw that! It would be one thing if W and I split, and she were to meet up with some other guy later down the road to get hitched to -- then I would expect my children to show him the due respect and honor as the head of the household. But not that two-timing snake-in-the-grass frakktard. No, this OM is the enemy of their family, the enemy of their parents' M, and the enemy of them. Why should they pay anything more than cold deference to that usurping jerk-wad?
Peace? Yes. Respect? H*ll, no. I want my S's to both love and honor faithfulness and integrity, and that guy has none.