Hi Jeannine...did you find a lift? Are you going? Make sure to let us know so we don't worry about you! (I'll be gone tomorrow and Sunday myself).

WOW...What an ordeal!!!! Talk about displacement!!! He's blaming YOU for all of his woes! That is totally unrealistic, not to mention cruel and unfair.

I agree with the others about his depression. It often "shows" itself in men as anger and hostility, even aggression. He was definately using you as a scapegoat.

What in the world did he say to you that is still too hard for you to share!! ...Gosh! like the rest wasn't bad enough???

ONE thing I CAN assure you of...you DID NOT CAUSE his depression! Genetics play a large role, early life experiences, the way we see ourselves, others and the world, etc. can set us up for depression, life stressors may trigger it into full blown episodes, but no one ever CAUSES another's depression!!!

It's not YOUR fault that he hasn't been addressing his own issues all these years! That he's stuffed resentments so deep they are now procreating in his psyche!

AND as others have said, it's not YOUR job to "fix" him.

CJ said some really hurtful things when he was depressed and thinking things were over...he said I'd abused him with my words and treatment of him (NEVER physical), that I'd made him too scared to tell me what was bothering him!!!, That I was like his Parole officer!... That he'd had doubts from BEFORE we got married ...Oh, at first I just took it all in and felt TERRIBLE!

I felt like a MONSTER!!

Then I realized that he really couldn't shove all of that crap onto my shoulders. He bore a heavy responsibility for his actions and inactions as well.

So...what to do? I agree that if seeing him brings on this kind of abuse (yep!), you should have no part of it. I wonder how he's feeling now, in the aftermath of his explosion...better? or worse?

When you feel you can, please let us know what he said that is now unwritable....we may have some insights.

(((((((((((((jeannine)))))))))))))))))))

Shiny