Trying2Live-Post #3

[Trying2live]

Hope
Yes be nice and sweet, but exit the conversation 1st is what I used to do. But Ok had to completely cut off H the 1st 4 -5 months except for extremely important thing-financial etc. I had to do this because he was angry and nuts and lashing out at me. Now you guys may not have this same behavior coming from your spouses, so you may not need to protect yourself this way.
But just be unavailable, as much as possible to allow the detachment. Now detachment does not mean being rude or retaliating. Example these are things I did, maybe miss some of the phone calls, don't pick right up let it go to voice mail, If you know he's coming over to visit the kids, if you have older children be gone when he gets there and just tell kinds your going out for a few that way he can wonder where your at, IF you have younger children, walk out as he walks in, casually say oh great your hear I've gotta go be back later, don't respond to every text page or email.

The great thing about detaching is you can get your emotions in order and calmed down because if your in this for the long haul you cannot be ruled by your emotions because you are in for a ride and you need to be in a very neutral place of strength where things can roll off your back. Someone has to be in a neutral place and we know it's not the walk away spouse. Then once your in that better state, may take a few weeks or a month, you can begin to invite the spouse back around, he/she will likely be more receptive since they have had more time to think and less time around you thus no ability to blame you. Make sense? Then you can begin the Plan A and meeting those needs per the book.

I mean I never called, texted, or emailed unless I had to. I went 3 weeks 1 time with no contact. Guess what I know it puzzled him. The 1st month in he was like if you want me back so bad why aren't you begging. Sorry Pal no one is worth that LOL.

As far as the kids, since my kids are older, I let them decide when they wanted to talk to him. There is a natural time line that is needed for the kids to get over it. Eventually they will it just takes time.

BTW he is not your H, not yet. He is a walk away spouse. Don't let him protecting her hurt you, I know that sounds crazy but its fog thinking so who cares. Try not to get hardened by everything but learn to gain the ability to try and cast it off, its not easy, sometimes I did good sometimes I didnt. Yeah my H looked like crap over the summer. Think he was living in his car to be around her. Funny how things change when you gotta wake up next to them everyday, can you say bye bye fantasy land! LOL