I was unfaithful

[Sanderika]

Hi Max,

As far as invites go...I always used this approach....

I would say: "Would you like to come over for dinner on ____.
We will be having _____to celebrate _______."

OR "We will be having _______for dinner, if you
would like you can join us."

I always left the invite more a question, gave H the choice. I always left the option for H to decline if he didn't feel comfortable. If H said "No", then OK, I assumed H felt pressure or felt I was crowding or controlling. I never persued more. It hurt to be turned down, but at least I made the offer. Let me tell you, I was turned down plenty. In my sitch, I knew about the OW so I also assumed H was going to be with her. This was not OK, but I had no choice in his wants and desires.

I never approached H with...."I want you to come to dinner."

Anything I want or wanted was controlling and H would get angry and assume I was trying to be demanding of him. NOT COOL

I think if you are turned down to an invite regardless of the occasion it is a good sign from H that he isn't ready to be included completely and is feeling pressure from you. If he turns you down, cool off on the asking for a while.

Your H seems to come over for most invites if not all, IMO H would say "No" if he didn't want to be included. Perhaps you are reading more into it than is actually there. They also say try not to over analyze your H's actions and thoughts. For one it is near impossible and second most everything we imagine is just that OUR imagination (working over time) with our thoughts and not actually what H is thinking or feeling.

In my sitch, over the past 38 months...I actually asked H less and less to come over and I am now at the point where I don't ever contact him. I never even include him in son's activities...I know it evolved from being turned down sooooo much. WAY TOO SAD !!!! H has made a choice not to be in our lives anymore, I have adopted the attitude that if H wants to see what's going on H will make contact. My H filed for a D 20 days ago, H has contacted me 4 times on the phone and visited us for 3 hours...I would have expected the complete opposite. I would have told you he will not contact us at all. So who knows what really goes on in their minds.

Keep plugging along Max, we are all here for you, you will get through this, I see a lot of positives for you....one day at a time....

Sanderika