Big hugs to Jeanine - hope you can feel all the love and warmth sent your way.
I agree with others that your H is in the black depression and needs professional help. Also, from personal experience, medication and therapy can work wonders on the desperate sysmtoms of depression. Problem is one tends not to recognize that until it's quite late - in my case it took my H truly leaving to get me to go for help.
Meanwhile, try to keep yourself and family safe from harm. I know you love H and are doing all you can, but IMHO this is one area (depression) that you cannot fix, but for which there is hope.
Oh, your magic wand is on order - hasn't come in yet.
I feel so bad for you. You don't deserve this. I noticed that in every one of his daggers, his anger was misdirected at you, when it should have been directed at nobody, or at himself.
I don't know how you gather the strength to carry on. You should be the one who is depressed, not your H! Compared to your problems, his are nothing. Yet the reality is that he is the one who is withdrawing, who cannot handle the problems life throws him. I agree with the others - he is going through depression. He has reacted very badly to your very serious physical problems and blames you, rather than seeing you as a victim. It's so heartless.
You are coping as well as anyone could, given your circumstances. Are you depressed? Maybe, but if so, it's a reasonable reaction to the "stimulus" that you are receiving.
As much as you may need his help right now, it seems he is unwilling or incapable of providing it. So I also agree with the advice to stay away from him. Obviously, he's not helping you, only hurting you. Nobody needs that, and certainly not you.
I hope a week from today that the Dr's can get a better handle on what's ailing you. You need to start feeling better.
I keep up with your thread and think about you often. You deserve a break. It occurs to me that because of the caretaking of your mother and her husband that you probably rarely, if ever, get to take a decent vacation. You need to go someplace to just veg (and eat a lot!), and get out of your daily routine.
I wish I could offer more than just words (I'd offer "babysitting" services if you weren't 3000 miles away!). We all read various threads, and follow some more closely than others. The ones I follow most are yours, kjb (in Infidelity), awake (also in Infidelity), talitsa, sage (when I have enough time - the girl is interesting, brilliant, insightful... and wordy!), PnT, tbone, Jethro, KAW, LL, shinybear, and AnitaSue (in Sexual Issues). Mainly a lurker now, but every once in awhile I feel the need to reach out. I feel like I've come to "know" so many good, interesting, thoughtful people. The issues we discuss here are so fundamental, so much a part of the basic stuff of real life. How often do we get (or take) opportunities to talk to even our closest friends about this stuff? In my case, not often (actually, almost never). So I feel a kinship to y'all beyond even just our shared stories of betrayal and misery. OK, I'm rambling now, not even sure of the point I'm trying to make, if any. Maybe I'm just feeling a little bad that I don't feel the same closeness and bonding with many of my "real life" friends that I do with some of the people on this board.
Anyway, I think about you often. Let's get you better, eh?
You are NOT responsible for H's depression. You cannot fix H's depression. Get those thoughts out of your head! He's sending out some big cries for help, and needs to find that help.
Yes. I've been staving off the clinical depression with SamE but the conditions that I am living with are causing me to be in a perpetual state of anxiety and situation depression.
There was an incident last night that was so horrific that I had pushed it aside all day until it crashed on me about an hour ago. It is something that I wish I could erase from my mind because it was not only frightening but it was a statement of the lowest contempt and hatred I've ever had directed at me. I don't know if it was an exaggerated piece of drama brought on by his extreme state of mind or if it was suppressed reality exploding before my eyes. I'm sorry that I can't be more explicit, but it is too fresh right now. I need time to process what happened.
I was going to go to the Florida DBer's gathering this weekend, but now I'm not sure if I can. We are down a vehicle.
Brian, you always write such deeply insightful and gentle posts on my thread. I can't begin to tell you how much your concern and the time that you take in following my situation, means to me.
I hope your situation is moving in a good direction. Haven't seen your thread of late, so I'm hoping that that means all is well.
Quoting Jeannine: I was going to go to the Florida DBer's gathering this weekend, but now I'm not sure if I can. We are down a vehicle.
Would it be possible to pick up a rental for the weekend? I really thing you should go. Its the kind of support and pick me up you need right now!!! This is something you should do for yourself!
