I wish I can find the words that would console your pain. Your H is a dark place right now and you can't follow. Let him be ... don't contact him, let him contact you. Stay out of the vortex. Remove yourself from his equation of all that is wrong in his life.
You are going to need to focus all your energy on yourself right now. Focus on breathing calmly ... steady ... keep your thoughts on yourself ... what you need to do for you ... stay in the light ...
