I've been having a rough time for the past couple of days, especially yesterday . All I can compare my feelings with is be a branch that is about to snap off.
I kept waking up last night because my heart and lungs felt like they had forgotten how to work together. I suppose that was just an accumulative effect.
Lately, I've been noticing that my Mom is looking like I do when I'm around my H. She trys to look like everything is alright but hurts because she doesn't understand why I'm distant and conflicted. This is especially difficult for her due to her Alzheimer's disease. She is obviously practicing "DDBing "(Down Daughter Busting). This morning it just broke my heart. Poor thing, she shouldn't have to be going through this crap with me.
Shiney,
"P.S. Pam, back off on sending weight to Jeannine, I offered first! ... "
That's the first time I've laughed in two days! You're good medicine.
I haven't heard from the dr. yet. I still have that colonoscopy and endoscopy to get through on the 8th of August and I figure he's waiting for everything to be completed before calling. Till then, I'm not going to worry. I'm just focusing on getting some meat on my bones at this point.
PnT,
Thanks for checking on me. Just knowing that there are people out there who care is a boon to my stamina. I'll be checking on you soon too.
I'm not sure I like the sounds of your lungs and heart forgetting how to work togther!!! ....could it have been a wee panic attack?
Now, I hope you're happily chugging away on another delicious dose of calories in a mug ...but if you ever feel really sick, remember that being seen in the ER can speed up some of those tests.
Quite possibly. I do have a wee problem with those.
"I hope you're happily chugging away on another delicious dose of calories in a mug"
Blaaak, "yes".
I had another visit from the "cramping gut" earlier today, but it wasn't nearly as severe as those others. I spent most of the afternoon in bed. Feeling a tad bit puney, but other than that, I'm alright.
Good to hear!...Well, not the "teeny" part, or the cramps but the rest.
I always found that a warm/hot bath helped the cramps a lot. I carried a lot referred pain to my back, too, and digging my knuckles in there helped too. As does deep breathing.
Well this evening I got a call from my H stating that the truck completely stopped running while driving home. So I volunteered to come pick him up, he was about twenty-five minutes from here. I get there and what do I get? A long face, slamming doors, cold silence, reactionary behavior, and a general attitude of disrespect.
Apparently, I made this bad thing happen and have been thrown into the mixer with all that is wrong in his life. No "thank you" and no explanation of any kind. I offered to lend him the car tomorrow, that was ignored and so was I.
I ran his sorry butt around trying to help and I was treated like a non-person.
The last thing that I heard as he got out of the car at our other house was, "you can go home now".
They sure can make you question why do you try so hard to be nice to them ... seems to take the heart and the patience of a saint to keep "killing" them with kindness.
...but make no mistake about it, altho he may be unwilling to show it right now, he does know what you did for him and he isn't likely to forget. One day he will surprise you by bringing it up, even indirectly, and thanking you for it.
Keep striving to make today better than yesterday...
All I can say is that the unexpected cruelties, and the treatment as you suffered counts as such, are painful, baffling, disheartening...but I think we've all had a taste of them.
Try not to take it personally...ha! But really, it was all about HIS broken car, HIS messed up schedule, HIS inconvenience, HIS anger, HIS frustration....you just happened to be in the vicinity.
Is that fair? Considerate? Loving? NO! ...But it happens, and it hurts. You did well. I would have been sorely tempted to offer a very sarcastic..."Well YOU'RE WELCOME! "....pretty sure THAT wouldn't help anything.
I tried to face CJ's coldness, dismissiveness, inconsideration as bravely as I could. I put on a bit of an act, sometimes I'm sure he KNEW I was hurt...but I didn't resort to "old tacticts" that would have confirmed his already negative view of me!
I think this helped confirm for him, if only in retrospect, that I was changing, and for the better.
I suppose that was just an accumulative effect.
... " 
....could it have been a wee panic attack? 
