To us here, you don't sound wierd or pessimistic...it takes a lot of time and letting go before you can have hope without expectations.
IMO, it's okay to have hope (not expectations) for your M to work but you can't hope that this trip will change anything. Right after my H dropped the bomb, we went away overnight. We had a great time and I thought I did everything right. When we got home, I expected that things would continue to get better...WRONG! They got worse and he pulled further away. What your H is going through isn't really about you or your M. I think if you H goes on the trip, you just have to try to have fun and leave it at that. If he goes, you can let him call the shots or you can invite him to do the things you want to do but you have to have no expectations. If he doesn't want to do things with you, go have a good time on your own.
