Found last week a tough week for some reason. Maybe as it started with the mediation on Monday and set in some real reality.
Have asked STBX to speak to her sols today as I do not think I should still be paying all the bills. Mortgage until this is sorted is fair enough, but bills no. She is having her cake and time for no more. I've also decided I have to get out by Feb 09 from my parents, it's really starting to bug me being there and is not healthy for me. I am not comfortable, I'm getting down stuck in a room and I need to see a light at the end of the tunnel at least. I'm contemplating just going to rent a room for a month before getting place, but really not sure.
So, I've decided I really need to start making plans and a to do list as I am standard bloke and not organised at all so put things off all the time. Got to change that. Got my big poker tournament Tues and hopefully Weds night this week and a big night out Sat so nice busy week. Will try and get running tonight but have the boys til 7pm so bit tight for time.
Oh, the thing that has been making it worse is how clingy my S2 is getting. He was ok til last week then really clingy Thursday and Saturday wanted loads of cuddles. It's really nice in one respect but makes me so sad to see it. I know S6 is also not 100% as when he came home Weds night from Cinema, he asked if I was staying there as it was gone 8pm and when I said no, he was all sad. Hate seeing them go through this, breaks my heart.
I'm just so missing them at the moment and so desperate to get a place so they can stay over and have their toys there etc.
Chin up it will all work out for you. You are bound to have off weeks and the closer it get to the D being final the worse your S's will be. I am sorry they are going through this. I know how hard it is for them and I know how much they are hoping you and your W will get back together. Be there for them, they will really need it in the coming months.
Take care and try not to miss them too much. Remember you can call them whenever you want.
cheers D. Unfortunately S6 is anti the phone and talking to me on. I still think he blames me a bit for all this as I guess in his innocent eyes, I left the house !!!
Cheers G. Yeah, bang on with can't wait for it to be over. Frustrates me that I'm the one living in limbo when I've had everything I ever worked for taken away from me not through my choice.
Did have a little flirty fun with another lady Sat night. 23 this time so there getting younger...oops. Will call her clubgirl23 for Mike. Do have a number but not ringing her, leave it for her as I'm not to bothered TBH.
Need to speak to STBX tonight as she is supposed to be contacting her sols today re the bills stuff. She is raking in loads from benefits now to, so only fair she pays the bills and gets her first touch of reality.
cheers D. Unfortunately S6 is anti the phone and talking to me on. I still think he blames me a bit for all this as I guess in his innocent eyes, I left the house !!!
Sorry but he probably is blaming you for what is happening. Its his prospective right now you need to not take it personally. I know its got to be very hard but keep trying, keep calling and keep seeing them as often as possible. Your doing the best that you can with the hand you have been dealt. Keep it up.
cheers D. Unfortunately S6 is anti the phone and talking to me on. I still think he blames me a bit for all this as I guess in his innocent eyes, I left the house !!!
Sorry but he probably is blaming you for what is happening. Its his prospective right now you need to not take it personally. I know its got to be very hard but keep trying, keep calling and keep seeing them as often as possible. Your doing the best that you can with the hand you have been dealt. Keep it up.
Tim
I know Tim and I ensure we have as much fun when were together. He is fine when with me and Saturday we made a guy, watched a show he likes where these kids are on a island doing lots of challenges for prices etc and then went to the park so he could do his own climbing version. We also went to the toy shop so he could let me know what stuff he likes ready for xmas.
They are both really good wonderful boys and I just look at them and thank myself that I have them. They are the good that has come from all this mess and I just hope my W realises it's them that is important now. Hopefully she will give me a break so I can have a chance at rebuilding my life so I can have a place of my own which they can call home instead of trying to take me to the cleaners so I have nothing.
So I had the boys for 3hours this afternoon as always and was great fun. Think S2 is either starting to understand the sitch or just having the terrible 2s as he's starting to throw tantrums, hit and bite, but is also very clingy and cuddly. My niece and nephew were round so they all played together and I joined in, then made them all dinner and we ate together.
S6 made me a halloween card Sunday with MIL best friend so I will text a thank you shortly.
When dropping them off, I asked W when leaving if she had contacted her lawyer re the bills and she said she had and left a message. I said, good, cause we need to sort this as I've got to start paying rent next week and can't afford to be givingyou 50% of my wages. She sortof laughed out 50%, so I just said yeah, I earn X, give you 1/2 X so that is half my wages and once sorted it will be 1/2 of that again so this is silly. She had her usual thinks she knows it all comment of yeah right, I'll be getting a lot more than that'. I said ok, go check out CSA website and you see for yourself as you know how much I earn, I'll see you later.
I was calm through out the interaction.
Oh, W also mentioned e in the club sat night so she has spoken to friend. She didn't mention me with clubgirl23 tho, so notsure if her friend saw or told her even. She is a sensible friend so I wouldn't be surprised if she said nothing to keep out of it.
Busto'd poker tourney about 19th, started as the shortest stack and never really got above 10BB and got caught on the steal button shove by the CL (for those who understand poker !! lol)
Got kids this afternoon and just been told the system is down from 3, so assuming nothing to do we can go....wooot. More time with boys but it's freezing so will need to do something indoors. Might suggest painting as they love that and my mum is an artist so we can all join in together I guess.
Not much planned for the rest of the week til Saturday, so will dig out the bank statements and try and figure out exactly which bills I'm paying and who I need to ring to get them transfered to the W. Will continue the mortgage payments till done but cannot afford the bills to......That is a lot of beer tokens I'm paying out....LOL
hey Arthur, just wanted to say hi. As you know, my move out date is fast approaching, 2 months. W was complaining today about having to clean the house and mentioned that i could do more to help out. Now, i help out plenty, about half of the housework, so i told her that she prob doesnt realize how much i really do but that she wont have to worry about it in a couple of months. her response was that it was not soon enough. That comment really didnt affect me at all. I guess that means I am properly detached. My next thread will be joining you all here in surviving. I like reading up on your sitch because it seems like you are a couple of months ahead of me. Glad to see that you are getting on with your life!
Married 6 years D4 D4 S2 seperated: 7/15/08 Dbomb: 9/21/08 status: seperated in same home, meeting with mediator moving toward D current thread
Hi MM, keep stopping by sir. But for all my GALing, I still have those bad days. Weekdays are tough and lonely and yesterday I had a little slide.
Had my boys yesterday tho I hardly see S6 as we went to my sisters and he went to play with his Cousins. Fair enough, but I never really see him but for eating times on the weekdays, but he's happy. Went back to my mums for dineer and S6 was drawing with his nan while I cooked. Just before leaving I said when I get my place I won't have to take you boys home as you'll be able to stay over and S6 said 'I want to stay with you tonight '. I said, we will sort something out soon mate, but we can't tonight now it's to late. Broke my heart tho, every time I see them at the moment, giving them back gets tougher.
So I dropped them home, said my goodbye and STBX was in dressing gown and tights so I said, 'Wearing tights, you cold or something ?', response was 'No, I'm going out !'. I know it will be with another man as she rarely goes out with friends in the week. I could be wrong and I admit that kinda hit me a bit, but I just said see ya later and left. No drama, no action where she was going or anything. Think as I was tired and also upset about giving the boys back, the sitch got to me a bit.
Thankfully I was going round a friends straight after so I went there, chatted and watched TV, then home for an early night. Feeling better again this morning, but certainly having more odd days of how much this is really p1551ng me off. The sitch, the time, but most of all the boys and what they are going through.
