The future talk was more of a hypothetical if we ever moved to this country that we aren't even talking about moving to, but I liked that he brought it up anyway...
Honestly we were pretty drunk last night. We split a bottle of wine at dinner, then had 2 additional glasses. We went on to have 2 more drinks at the hotel bar. Thing is that I remember the entire night clearly, and he wasn't acting out of character or anything. It does mean that it gives him an out though in terms of me "expecting" more of the same kind of behavior.
Today was pretty nice, though not as amazing. We went to breakfast where we each just read the paper. Most of the other couples were doing the same thing, but I still am a bit paranoid that H will think this is "not enough". In fact it was hard for me not to feel like this about a lot of today. In the car we listened to historical lectures on the iPod that we both really like, so we didn't talk much, but to me this was fine. Not sure how he feels. Every interaction we DID have seemed nice and comfortable, and there was joking around etc. We got back to the house and he had to leave within 20 minutes to meet a friend in town. There was minimal conversation in the house, but ran to the store, and gave him a quick hug and peck on the lips before leaving in case I didn't see him before he left again. He seemed OK with this, but it was more me testing the waters. I won't initiate again in any case. I got back and he was still home, was nice when he left etc. I mean it honestly feels as though everything has shifted for the better. Every interaction we have had has been really nice, and going on a trip together made it feel as though we were together again.
On this trip we went through a lot of situations that would have caused fighting or bickering in the past, but didn't this time. I was on my best behavior, but in a genuine way. I did not try to give directions when he was driving, made sure to try and let him take charge when ordering wine etc., and did not rush him to leave the hotel room even when it meant sitting around for a few hours when I really wanted to go out.
So I'm at home now, and H will probably get back fairly late tonight. I think this is a good thing, that he is going to hang out with a friend for a bit. I just truly hope that things are as they seem to me, in terms of moving back toward us being together. H is going on a business trip for 3 nights starting tomorrow, so unless something comes up on IM or when he gets back tonight/before work in the morning, it's unlikely there will be an R talk before Friday. I am fine with this, but if he has anything positive to say, I would definitely love to hear it!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
You are doing well. I think you are making a lot of progress and that it does seem a little different this time and maybe the changes will "stick" this time around. I think the best thing in your situation is that you are living at home again, even if it is not constantly at least you are there a lot of the time and it seems to make you happier to be in your own home and town again.
It sounds like you are taking some really great steps! It is a good think that he really can't keep his hands off of you. It is still a connection that you share.
I am glad that you had many positive moments. Just remember that sometimes they back off after a good weekend, but it doesn't cancel the things that have happened...
It sounds like he hasn't given up yet... I am sure partly because of how strong you have been! Keep up your PMA.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
I'm still very confused. The night was OK. H got home around 1030 and we just read in bed. There was no cuddling, but we laid in a position where we were touching each other most of the night.
This morning though I was on his PC and saw that he had been visiting a roommates site. I have no idea when or how seriously he is taking this. I see that he's even registered. This made me nauseous. I wasn't as cool as I could have been when leaving. I said bye, kissed him, and said thanks for driving to Galway. I then asked him if he had a good time (I know not my finest move), and he said "yeah it was cool."
Am worried that he's pulled back again. Now he's leaving for 3 nights, so all conversation will be on IM/email. He comes home Friday, and we haven't even talked about this. He had suggested plans for one day this weekend, when we were drunk, but beyond this no idea what he's thinking. I hope I didn't miss my window of opportunity. I am feeling scared now. He has 3 days to really ruminate on everything. I guess all I can do is hang back. I have no choice now. I think I really need to get an appointment with Jody as I am unsure whether avoiding R talk is a good/bad thing in my sitch right now. H wants more intimacy out of an R than what we had, but I don't know what this means for him...
Ok, just hoping any IM talk today will be nice. I will certainly not be initiating!
ITH
Last edited by istherehope; 10/28/0808:57 AM.
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hey ITH... sorry its still so up and down. The weekend did sound good, but then 1 weekend a new R does not make I guess.. so maybe you are still expecting things to be resolved pretty fast and yet this could take a lot longer?
Friday is another one of those big days, astrologically! Funny how you keep hitting them. I wouldnt worry about the gap in between now and then.. and yes, I wonder if its counter productive you being so non-communicative with him.
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I guess what I was hoping for was a clear indication that H felt like things were going well, rather than everything being immediately resolved. I would rather have things resolved in a slow and steady way than suddenly make a decision that everything is OK, without addressing any issues.
I do think me being non-communicative might be counter-productive. On the other hand, he is not bringing up anything either, and he knows how I feel in general, so I am not sure whether me bringing things up is also counter-productive and/or pressuring. If I make him talk about his feelings, he seems to tend toward the negative.
Maybe Friday then, if nothing comes up before, I will suss out the vibe and see if there isn't a way to have some kind of meaningful conversation. Just knowing him, he is likely to bring something up on IM/email before then. He's online today, and has already IMd me, but only about household chores etc.
In your opinion is Friday a good day for these kinds of conversations?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Well, today is that powerful New Moon in Scorpio, which is about truth... so I wouldnt be surprised if he ends up trying to have an R talk today! That resonates into Wednesday/Thursday and then Friday is a nice link from Jupiter to Venus but also, that Saturn Uranus opposition thing is building.. so all week is pretty ripe for unveiling, for honesty, for change, for I dont know what! Alot of drama I think. Its absolutely necessary though so I dont think you can hold on, batten down the hatches and avoid it.. I think you have to face it, whatever it is?
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Yeah it does sort of feel that way, like the energy is building and that there could be an open door, if I approach it right. There is a big part of me that wants to leave work early today and just go talk, and a part of me that is kicking myself for not being more upfront over the weekend, but the weekend was still positive, and at worst, probably neutral in his eyes.
R talks on IM are just so difficult though, so unless he has something positive and hopeful to say, I hope that he can save it for Friday. I will expect a conversation on Friday, and will be open to it, if nothing happens in the interim, but will probably not push for it.
So Friday with Venus should be more harmonious would you say?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
