Working With New Seeds

[Jeannine]

Tal,

"He can't "unlearn" all of that information you're exposing him to, though."

I debated on whether to reply "Good point Tal" or "Oh yea, you wanna bet!?"

Jeannine

[Jeannine]

Kaw,

You make so many good points in your post. I think that you may be sitting neighbors with the truth.

It's time for me to let go of that expectation.

Thanks,

Jeannine

p.s. I'm glad to hear that your W surprised you with something you've been wishing for. Six months of patience is highly commendable.

[poepad]

Sorry your H isn't responding to all the new-found knowledge you're giving him, but it may also be a timing issue as well--as you know he's sorting through a great deal of his own crap in his own head. He can't "unlearn" all of that information you're exposing him to, though.
I agree, space and time.

[Jeannine]

Kelli,

And a big "hello" to you too.

I decided last Friday that I wasn't going to let my H steer our Friday evening into the swamp again.

I clung close to my "action plan" and coasted on ice even though I got the "I GUESS I'll see you later" routine on the phone, and that "I'm here in body only " look as he walked through the door, and those "Let me be as vague as humanly possible" responses throughout our lead based conversations.

But then came Saturday, (as it often does) and this is when I think you all would have been proud of me.

I don't know if it was a case of harmonious biorythms or what, but I was in "the zone". I was dodging and weaving my way through the entire day and my H actually relaxed and appeared content. Yea!

But then came Sunday. Some guy with a waxed mustache and some rope woke up next to me looking for railroad tracks.

With polite civility, I retreated to my "restricted zone".

No surplus nice stuff in the "restricted zone". Just your basic DB survival gear.

I have come to believe that by being so nice, (handing him a piece of pie so to speak) while he is in the process of leaving tread marks all over me, may have the appearance of giving him license to treat me like (hmmm - well) a doormat!

So I opted for the "no reacting", but "no reward" method.

Well I don't know if my "restricted zone" was what did it or if he simply couldn't stand his own nastiness anymore, but by mid afternoon, my Mr. Dastardly had quickly turned into Dudley DoRight.

He exuded kindness and affection.
He even took me out to dinner and a movie.
He actually acted as though he liked me. He really, really liked me. (Sorry )

I really can't say for sure what was behind his 180, but for now, I'll take it.

To be realistic though, the bite marks on my hand remind me to be very CAUTIOUS. I realize that things could snap back to yucky as early as tonight. But then again, weirder things have been known to happen.

Jeannine

[Jeannine]

Poepad,

"Sorry your H isn't responding to all the new-found knowledge you're giving him, but it may also be a timing issue as well--as you know he's sorting through a great deal of his own crap in his own head. He can't "unlearn" all of that information you're exposing him to, though."

I agree with this as well Poepad. Tal and Kaw both seem to have hit on this point quite well.

Thanks for the feedback.

Jeannine

[Cristina Maria]

Hi Jeanine - glad you were able to turn things around to your favor on Saturday - stay strong

[shinybear]

Interesting, Jeannine...I'm trying to keep your last post in mind, while KAW's awesome response is down below...

So SOMETHING in what you did or didn't do WORKED...your H dropped the alien mode and returned to you for the evening. Or was it all just crap he was working out in his OWN head???

Regardless, I think it sounds like a DB success!!!

Now KAW...your post struck home for ME...sorry to hijack J!!!

I've been grousing a lot about MY needs not being met now. It's been nearly a year since Bomb #1.

Your post shook me up some, KAW, but in a most needed way. I never consciously thought of CJ having second, second thoughts. or perceiving my needs and LL as "obligations"

I guess my first clue should have been him saying more than once that he was "working on" physical affection!

Thank you for a timely post, with a message for another beside the intended!!

Shiny

[talitsa]

I agree, KAW's response was awesome and got a lot of benefit out of it as well.

Loving kindness with no expectations of it being returned sure takes the score-keeping mentality out of the picture, doesn't it. I guess the concept falls within the butterfly and the tornado thing in DB (or was it DR?).

[Jeannine]

Christina Marie ,
Thanks. I did do well on Saturday and I am working on ways of reaching that kind of plateau more often.

Shiney & Tal,
Kaw's latest post is a real source of insight into something we all seem to need right now.
I reread that post again this morning and I had to remind myself that sometimes the simplest truths are the easiest to miss. A "right under your nose" example.

Jeannine

[psluke]

Wow Jeannine,

Coming to your thread this morning was just what I needed!

I noticed this morning that I am beginning to feel some resentment towards David. But we probably aren't really at a place yet that I can expect much from him as he has stated not working on R right now.

But sometimes I see steps that look like he is and then get impatient! PATIENCE isn't one of my virtues. I am going to have to get better at it I think to get through this situation!

So GOOD LUCK with more things working with H!

And take care!!! Hugs to you!!!!