Hope you are doing well. I'm still cleaning house but I wear out so fast, today I can't get motivated because my body aches! So playing online instead.
Hope your next tests go well and are all over with soon!
{{{{{{{{{{{Jeannine}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
"one thing women don't understand is, us men GRUNT are clueless most of the time. Unless you tell us, and lead us by the hand, you will keep getting the same results."
Men do seem to have the caveman carry-over "grunt".
Truth of the matter is, I have informed my H about my LL, even read him some chapters out of the 5LL book. And I managed to get him to watch the first three and half videos from Michelles' "marriage breakthrough" series with me where she explains in detail the importance of giving your spouse whatever it is that he/she needs/wants even if it doesn't feel comfortable or make sense to the giver.
I've explained in loving detail what I need/want, how it effects me when I do or don't receive it, sent him an email politely outlining the issue and have even demonstrated it to him (spoke to him "words of affirmation delivered with physical tenderness).
Trust me, he's been informed. He has made it patently clear that he does not want to hear about it anymore. He still contends that he should not have to give this to me unless he feels inspired to do so.
So for now, my "free speech zone" is very limited. If I cross over the line, I will have more harsh words to live with and you all know what that does to a person who's LL is "words of affirmation".
I'm in a bit of a quandry, huh.
Oh well. I'll just have to bite the bullet for now.
But in all fairness, men's brains have a little more trouble distinguishing subtle differences in facial expressions, (as proven by the scientific community) so I guess I will cut him some slack there.
I know that first week David was gone, there was nothing in me to do housework. But now that he has been gone longer it helps distract me and HELPS me sleep at night!
I'm so exhausted when I go to bed I most of the time don't lay awake too long thinking about the sitch.
But I don't have the health issues you do either!
I still think you are incredibly strong here with everything you have going on.
I just hope you start getting some good things happening here soon!!!!
Sending you a big HUG!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
(((J))) Sorry your H isn't responding to all the new-found knowledge you're giving him, but it may also be a timing issue as well--as you know he's sorting through a great deal of his own crap in his own head. He can't "unlearn" all of that information you're exposing him to, though.
Quoting Jeannine: Trust me, he's been informed. He has made it patently clear that he does not want to hear about it anymore. He still contends that he should not have to give this to me unless he feels inspired to do so.
When my W said she wanted to work on M last summer, I thought it was a green light to start "Asking for what I want". At first she obliged, but as time went on I noticed her doing less and less. This became before other signs that she was having second thoughts about M again. As she did less, I became more resentful, which fueled her doubts even more.
Once I realized what I was asking for was still being preceived as obligations, hence becomes preceived as more of a burden than an act of kindness, then I stopped asking immediately and let go my expectations and just did what I needed to do for myself. While I wasn't happy about the regression, I understood now the source my resentment. Knowing we were not yet at the level in the R where I can ask of her has eliminated resentment ...
Then she surprises me this weekend, by doing one of those acts of kindness I mentioned six months ago.
Kindness begets kindness. Kill him with kindness without asking for anything in return and it may inspire him to do the same. Act "as-if" if you're not wanting, to be selfishless will take the pressure off him that he feels obligated to give ... then with that burden lifted, he will be more inspired to offer ...
Jeannine, I know this is against what you are looking for with your current state of health, but I think even if you just act "as-if" you wish to be more self-reliant maybe enough to that he is willing to offer more support.
But now that he has been gone longer it helps distract me and HELPS me sleep at night!