I'm being divorced by a man I knew would be at the very least my best friend for life within five minutes of meeting him. He rushed into love, wanting to be married. I was amazed that someone so incredible wanted to know me, all of me and accept it all feeling compassion for me rather than looking down at my faults. He said I was "The Best" that he would protect me always. I was afraid to believe it.. but I did.
I grew up afraid of my father, afraid of men, afraid of relationshipsehips. I wanted them but always turned into a lost whirling needy soul if I got past the incredibly fun girl you'd want by your side friendship stage. I'd hate msylef but couldn't stop or seem to stop. I begged for acceptance. Good friends in college taught me a lot.
With each child we head I learned more about love. I was so afraid of hurting my first child, a son, the way my father hurt me I was nearvous. I was afraid to pick him up while he slept and snuggle him. I would walk halfway into the room to make sure he was sleeping peacefully but not advance any further. Each child I learned to be more relaxed, more loving. That what happened to me would not transfer to my child. The first two were boys and I was initially afraid of their penises. But babies are so cute and loving.. raxpberries on the bellies and suggling followed.. the the unconditional love of a the mama.
