Getting my house in order

[25yearsmlc]

Dear FrankD,

I haven't posted in some time. But for some reason just noticed you live within an hour of me. I don't think it'd be inappropriate (on my end at least) to have lunch some time if you want to talk.

Having just returned from my HS Class reunion, where it felt like a time machine and old feelings returned and whole chunks of life temporarily disappeared, I'm reminded of many WAS here. I mean, while my old HS boyfriend spoke to me, and blatantly flirted, several thoughts struck me. FIrst off, he IS still cute and I will admit that it was flattering to me that he'd bother flirting after all these years. But his wife was there and clearly insecure, which makes my HS bf, still a 'boy'. NOT so attractive. However, for a few hours, it was as if I hadn't gone to college and law school or had 3 great kids or a H, it was as if I were still in HS only "smarter."

I witnessed a few "couples" from HS actually hooking up, and since they're single, it was kind of funny. MY bff hit a rough patch in her M and I saw her talking with her ex bf and I heard him telling her he'd "always love her", etc. So I checked in with her, made sure she hadn't had too much to drink. She was fine and said she got some nice closure and kept her M vows, etc.

POINT BEING that with your W, she's in a time machine that somehow allows her to have her bf, who has to represent something missing in her past, AND not lose her girls...

Sadly, she IS losing her girls and the time machine ride will end. As "cute" as my old bf seemed to be when I went to the old HS and my stomping grounds, I was glad later, to be "home." Here, with my "adult" self. I know you've been so deeply wounded and perhaps it's a wound that cannot heal with her in your life. But I also feel that your W will awaken someday. At least to how the OM is sooooo not important and this is just not about him. I don't know where that'll leave you in her mind/heart as she has rationalized so much and gone so far, we can only guess. But I DO see how, in her mind, thinking of YOUR birthday and reminding the girls is to her, something KIND of HER to do for you. Seriously. Not crazy, but to her, a nice gesture on her part. Yes, it's amazing in the grand scheme. But with her "time machine" she has some other dynamics (bells and whistles) we'll never really understand.

You've come a long way. Oh,and thanks to your comments about yards....and my fear of the Santa Ana winds lighting my "thatch like" lawn on fire, I guess I'll start doing yard work. My h is with his mother, on the east coast. Alaska didn't work out and she has cancer so he's taking care of her for the next few months...then we'll see. It is weird to be "together" yet have him gone so much again.

But calmer. My reserves are low and my feelings mixed. Like you, there's not much I'd put up with now, given what I know and what I've already given. But unlike you, my mil is dying and I have to cut my h some major slack. I always think people who leave spouses when they're losing someone, or in combat, or pregnant, deserve to be smacked in the nose. So I don't want to be one of those people.

Didn't mean to hijack. Just that your WAS reminded me of the HS reunion b/c of the way we can all compartmentalize when we change our environment. Going to HS and seeing the old hang outs and old friends is one thing. But somehow your w is able to also see the kids and the home with you, etc. I don't know how long she'll be able to handle the duality. The strains of it may be why she seems angry at you...oh the irony.
j-







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