So i guess I give up my one comfort, just in case I am needed. i know i got us in to this situation but B^%$#y H@#$ do I have to give up much more.
yes, you do. you have to be an adult. your husband isn't helping you, so you have to be responsible. sorry. It stinks. that's the way it is for now. (tell me again - how old are the kids?)
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I wish that I could slap him around some, so that he would understand what he has in you.
jeez, nobody needs a slap! We all just need some time to heal. ferpeetsake! It's not his fault that he's hurt and is having trouble trusting. It's not his "fault" that he is having a tough time. He just IS. Can we accept that?
It's not her fault either. It's just hard. ok? It's unfortunate and it's hard. for both people. Both people are hurting, unsure.
It will take him some time. He needs patience and compassion. As max does. As we all do.
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your husband really has no idea what it took for you to try this for him....
yes, it was hard to be honest. but it is the right thing. not just for her husband. more importantly it is the right thing for max. it's hard to face it, but it is the right thing. Then she can move beyond it. Whether she has a life with him or without him, she has to face her own humanity. it's the right thing. difficult, but right. and it might also be "the right thing" to get a counselor who has been through this before with other people, for guidance and wisdom.
--- Sometimes I get the feeling that we get off track here. It sometimes just turns into a b!tch session; we all just gather 'round and complain about our spouses. There are people (not Max, but some people) who come to this forum to just gather moral support to plan a divorce. And they get empathy and support, because that is what people do here. That is what they offer. if divorce is what they want, that is their prerogative. but this forum - "Divorce Busting" - is not the place to get support for it. This forum is supposed to do the opposite.
I don't believe that focusing on the injustices and the crimes and misdemeanors of the other spouse is the best use of this forum. That is not divorce busting. Finding fault is not divorce busting. There are plenty of other places to go if you want to complain about your uncaring or frigid wife, your weak or inattentive husband. we are all tempted to do it, I have done it, we have all done it. but it is not helpful for renewing a relationship. And it is not what this place is for.
I think our energies are better spent developing empathy and goodwill, some compassion for the other person's troubles, maybe looking for insight into their emotions. They are people too. With goodwill within us, we have hope to start again, to begin again.
With indignation and hurt and defensiveness, there is no possibility for a new beginning. Nurturing the hurt and sense of injustice won't bring us to new beginnings. We don't need to urges to slap people. We need to understand, have compassion, and patience.
ok, sorry for the sermon. I feel strongly about marriage.
