Can't they chill and let me be free?

[lost_in_space]

Its been a pretty "fun" weekend all in all. Friday was 6 Flags, yesterday DS played his last game and we went (as a family) to a Community College football game that was nice and mellow. Today DD and I went to our friends house for our now annual "carving party" and DS and H went to his football party. It was good all things considered. I've been busy so there hasn't been a lot of time to dwell on H and his drama, which has been good.

(((S&S))) GOOD! We all need that at times. And you definitely deserve some fun.

I read H4H's thread and I see so many similarities in our personalities, Karen too. I agree with Karen, I'm not sure that pitch black is in any of our natures, but it probably should be...for self preservation alone.

Isn't that really what going dark (and DB in general) is all about, self-preservation? I think so. Going dark helps you to not further tarnish any good feelings you may still have about H. Anything that comes with it is a benefit. I DO need to take my own advice to heart one of these days...

I'm not foolish enough to actually believe the things H says anymore, I've been burnt one too many times. Thats not to say I don't WANT to believe them though, everyone WANTS to believe in some sort of fairy tale, right? My head says "no way", but my heart isn't a very good listener.

And S&S there is nothing wrong with that IMO. We just cannot let it run our lives.

H was telling me a few days ago that his big plan is to go to the C and figure this all out so he can end up coming home, but if he is killing me in the process that he would understand if I moved on. He hopes I won't/don't, but would understand if I can't do "this" anymore. Then Thursday when we were talking about finalizing our "settlement agreement", I told him that either way this benefits him as well. It shows that he pays x amount of $$ per month and that would be helpful if he were here or not and he said, "well what if I don't come home?" and I wasn't sure what to say. He is a mass of contradictions.

WDID...any insight?

Always always always... The angel will have some good thoughts I am sure

Take care (((S&S)))