This is a post to another thread, but it updates my sitch and how I feel.
It does take some time to detach. It has been about 7 mos. since W dropped the bomb, and I feel like I have just turned a corner.
For the first time since that day I feel strong. And I have come to realize that though I had my faults, I have acknowleged them and been willing to make amends when I saw them. However, W has them too, and she has not made any real steps to address her issues. In fact, she has been really awful lately and it just shows me that she has chosen not to learn any new ways to deal with stuff.
She chooses not to be vulnerable, to believe I am some awful person. It is like she is playing out a script from somewhere in her past, like a review of one of her M's many break-ups.
She ignored an important e-mail about finances ( I suspect she didnt read many of my e-mails in the past few months) and made some financial committments that were unwise.
Now she says she feels like she has been lied to. I had always told her that the info I had was incomplete, that I would have to sit down an make a full accounting of our monthly bills.
Anyway, she took out her anxiety re: being able to pay her bills on me, when she was the one who ignored the crucial e-mails.
As she began to get into her accusations and her voice began to rise, ( I was at her place), I said I wasn't going to sit there and be treated like this. So I got up and went to my car.
She came to the door and asked me calmly to come back inside.
It got dicy for a while, but I tried to be calm and listen. She worked herself into a lather then threw me out. I guess it made her feel better to be in control of the sitch.
Whatever.
Anyway, I am thinking how I don't even want to be around her miserable self anymore. I dread being in the same room with her. It is like she is under a dark cloud all the time.
But for me, it is like a whole world of possibilities has opened up.
I have time to think, dream and plan like I haven't for years.
I don't have to constantly be trying to pick her up off the ground emotionally. She has to take some responsibility for her life, choices and thoughts.
I know our sitch's are different, but you may come to a place where you can see that in many ways, you were doing too much, your spouse was doing too little, and they need to grow up.
I feel like I'm there now, and I'm ok with that.
As long as my D6 is ok, and she seems to be right now (except she doesn't like staying with M), I'm ok.
One day at a time. It will make sense one day.
Now I must burst out in song. First heard this song performed by Doc Watson. It is old timey, but very comforting to me. If you like this song, the whole alblum (On Praying Ground) is great:
'Tempted and tried, we're oft made to wonder Why it should be thus all the day long, While there are others living about us, Never molested, though in the wrong.
Refrain Farther along we'll know all about it, Farther along we'll understand why; Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine, We'll understand it all by and by. When death has come and taken our loved ones, It leaves our home so lonely and drear, Then do we wonder why others prosper Living so wicked year after year.
Refrain Farther along we'll know all about it, Farther along we'll understand why; Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine, We'll understand it all by and by. Faithful til death, said our loving Master A few more days to labor and wait, Toils of the road will then seem as nothing As we sweet through the beautiful gate.
Refrain Farther along we'll know all about it, Farther along we'll understand why; Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine, We'll understand it all by and by. When we see Jesus, coming in glory, When He comes from His home in the sky, Then we shall meet Him in that bright mansion, We'll understand it all by and by.
Refrain Farther along we'll know all about it, Farther along we'll understand why; Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine, We'll understand it all by and by.
Last edited by native; 10/27/0803:52 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
