Trying2Live-Post #3

[faithrunner]

Hey T2L and Hope!

I hope you both had a good weekend. Hope, I was thinking about what you said about your weekends being solitary, versus mine being around H and kids all weekend. There are so many times when I would love for two seconds without H around, just to breathe a little easier. However, I understand where you are coming from, too. When we were first separated and H had his own place I absolutely hated the solitude. I think for you the dance class will be a great way to GAL for yourself and meet others, get out of solitude mode. I hope that works out for you.

I am also a stander, and have gone back and forth about divorce cares groups. I long for a forum to discuss with people in person what I am going through, but I don't want to seem like I am breaking my promise. I'm torn with that one.

T2L, I'm so glad you started this post with that quote, and in color. I really needed to see it in color and let it sink in! I have been successful in not snooping for the past week, and I feel good about that. I did come close today, but resisted. I feel like each time I can resist and move on I am showing more faith in God's plan for me and trusting Him to fight this battle with H. It sounds like you did great DB'ing yesterday. I think it's good that you didn't bring up the OW in your response to H's comment about coming home. There will be time for that conversation. You kept it positive and lighthearted. That was really good. (PS, wasn't the Charlyne Cares email great today? It reminded me of the prayer you shared with us)


I also liked your target analogy. H is here for two more months before deployment and I want to plant as many positive seeds as I can. But, it is hard when I see him emailing on his phone today and wonder who he's talking to. I didn't mention it and kept on walking. I think I did a good job this weekend, and I feel like he was constantly taking my temperature. He was over with us all day both days. Yesterday, he asked me to sit down and chat with me. "Nothing bad," he says, just want to see how you are doing. So, I set my mind that this will NOT be a R discussion! I ask him about a big work project that will be presented next week and then chat about the kids. He asks "are you ok, you're doing well?" Imagine a huge smile, and I respond "I'm great!" and continue talking about kids. Phew! R discussion avoided. We take kids to a movie and have a good time.

Today he talks about the horrible stomach trouble he's having (wonder why) and how tired he's been. He makes lunch for all of us, then volunteers to take kids to park to give me some free time. I say great! I lounge and watch football, it was nice. They come home and soon after I sense a change in the force. Yesterday there were no extended bathroom breaks, no leaving the room, in short I felt like he was not emailing OW at all. Last night he called when he got back to his room after leaving the house and said he was going to sleep, so I felt like one week without seeing OW. Then, this afternoon I think she emailed. He suddenly turned off his laptop so it could "charge". Then, about an hour later he was emailing on his phone when I came downstairs, as I mentioned above. So maybe they are meeting tonight. Who knows.

Anyway, he continued to temperature take. He says why don't you take a mental health day tomorrow? I say I have lots to do tomorrow, but also don't really need one. He says do you want to run with your group Tues night? I say, you know what I won't run but I'll take you up on your offer to watch the kids and go out with friends. Thanks! He says, uh ok. Over dinner, another last attempt at R talk (where we'll be living, separately, after he returns) that I deflect by saying I am up for the challenge of finding a new town that I'll like. He says "we" should get a new computer. He was all over the place. But, I laughed, smiled, and had fun all weekend and made sure I looked good. T2L, you would have been proud! I was constantly focused on trying to show my "feminine nature" again LOL! I know OW must be a little pissed that this was the third weekend he spent entirely with us. I wonder how long she'll put up with that?

I'm glad we have a new thread! I'll talk to you gals tomorrow.