Hi, I'm a veteran of these boards and I am returning for some much needed advice. A bit about me, I am a single dad (finally) and share my daughter in joint custody. My ex and I keep things on friendly terms, and we do tend to support each other when we each have plans and regarding our daughter, and I even lend an ear or give advice regarding my ex's rebellious teenage son. Even though I will be permanently be divorced from my ex - I am not really out of her life obviously, but we make parenting work on a daily basis. So far, I have been able to re-define myself and regained my own identity - which is an ongoing process. Emotionally, I am doing fine and taking each day as it comes.
As a divorced single dad - what's the best avenue to start dating again? I don't plan on living the rest of my life as a hermit crab just because I had one failed marriage - that's ridiculous. I want, like most people, to find a decent and attractive woman (with many more good qualities). I tried online dating sites, been on a few, no cigar. I despise clubs to meet, and I just want to make myself known as being "available". Even my own daughter tells me I should be dating and supports it!!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Have you tried clubs or classes in things you are interested in, a hobby or something. Often something grows from a shared interest and friendship. Maybe better than bars or dating sites. Maybe some voluntary work perhaps. Just some thoughts.
OLIVE!! Good to hear from you! I hope your D does find an end - it sucks waiting - I know. But don't give up dating after your D - (it has to come sometime!).
Thanks Naej, I do plan on taking classes when time permits. My interests are still the same - ballroom dancing, art classes, and I can look into some local clubs of interest as well. Time is the only obstacle I have, and I spend lots of it with my daughter.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Just wanted to update and vent to myself a little here. I have been "seeing" this nice woman off and on but it's long distance - really long distance at least for me. It's an 8 hour drive there and I only made one trip. I'm glad I did, as it helped to open up my eyes to the situation better. The thing is I am disappointed in how it turned out. I made some mistakes myself that I won't repeat again, but overall I could see this potential relationship as a disaster ready to happen! I am glad that I had the opportunity to visit her in her own "environment", to see if something would develop. After leaving, I find it really hard to see anything like a normal relationship if it did continue, (meaning ending the distance and being together). So the trip there wasn't a lost cause.
She's a very nice girl, but she's actually juggling too many things at once, and I really don't need that kind of relationship at this point. We met online, used email, phone, IM, text, and met a few times before as well (she visited my area). So I am closing the chapter with this one and keeping things simple for me by dating locally. I can't do long distance relationships, they are hard enough as it is, they exhaust me, but I am open to them IF the lady I see is so exceptional for me to attempt this again, so it will be a rare thing. 1 in 10 actually make it in long distance commitments.
I just came back from visiting this person last night, so I feel a little let down by it. I'm glad I had the experience, its a big life lesson for me, and I am just licking my wounds of sorts. To put it bluntly as I told a friend earlier today "Long distance relationships suck."
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
That's sound advice. I haven't been "out" with the guys in a while, but I'll keep doing GAL - and change my daily afternoon routine a bit if I can. My custody situation is unique, and I have my daughter most nights, but she goes to her mom's school district (ex works nights). So our parenting schedule is almost "first come first serve" as far as who gets her - so we are flexible in this. I'd rather spend time with my little girl at home than spend it chugging a beer at some bar. But if friends invite, I'll go out once a week.
Now that I think about it, maybe I should apply a 180 on myself for a change?
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I was in almost exactly the same boat... meaning a single Dad who was looking to start dating.
One bit of advice I would pass along is that make any and all first dates short. Coffee only with an escape route. You will know within an hour whether or not you want a second date.
If it doesnt work out, you havent had awkward amounts of time you were filling for nothing. Be honest if you are not into her. Just say that this isnt feeling like the right thing and let it go.
You will invariably hurt some women and likewise you will be hurt. But if it is only light, short dating, any wounding is only minor.
I would also suggest keeping your expectations reeled in. Dont expect to meet Miss right at any particular time. You would appear needy anyway and limit your appeal. Just cycle through some light dates and let it happen instead of making it happen.
Things that DID NOT work well for me:
Internet dating: This is ok for cycling through lots of connections. In other words a large volume of dates if you want them. It is my experience that there are gross misrepresentations frequently by people posting on dating services. Especially if it is free. Any nut job can post a profile with no validity check whatsoever. I will say however it is a good place to start the process. You can jump in without a lot of fuss, muss, and expense.
Blind dates: Tried a couple. Just didnt work for me. Set up by well-meaning friends. Cant say why but they just never went anywhere. It was just not my flavour.
Bars and Clubs: Forget it. I have not met anyone worth dating at a bar or club or anywhere else that alcohol consumption was centre stage.
WHAT FINALLY DID WORK FOR ME:
I finally invested a fair sum in a professional introduction service. Complete with screening and phycological profile matching. Plus... to be completely shallow.... photographs of who your prospective date would be.
I met the woman who would eventually become my wife this way.
The screening and financial threshold was an effective way to give the best chance at keeping psychos and flakes out. It was a stretch financially ($1,500) but well worth it.
No guarantees, but certainly a better probability of sucess. And frankly more efficient for people with careers.
Thats interesting you day that Chazz, but the bigger investment does make sense to me. I did the internet, and I am just letting my subscriptions expire. Even tho I like to have dates, they get tiresome and they don't fill in all the relationship gaps. But I hear ya on the professional intro service. I definitely wanna keep the psychos and flakes out. I once met an eharmony woman that had an std (won't say which one), but I was still open to a possible relationship - tho its a tough call on those. Well the date ended as fast as it started due to "no chemistry".
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
The way I saw it and still see it... the upfront investment is actually increasing the odds of a financial savings.
How long would it take to spend $1,500 on dates that go nowhere?
How much would another divorce cost?
For something as important as an R, it is money well spent. It is less than a good vacation. It is equal to a really good set of golf clubs. It is far less than tuition for university or braces for your kids.
Again, the investment in an intro service was not a guarantee.... just a way that I felt pre-screened better and increased the odds... which seemed to work out for me.
(BTW... I am glad to say she is smokin' hot! If I may say so.)
